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She will be alert and eating one day and then maybe for the next 2 or 3 days she cannot stay awake and is practically comatose. Then she will perk up the next day and want to do the dishes and read the newspaper! She doesn't want to take a bath, brush her teeth, change her Depends (thank heavens for those things), or get up to go to the bathroom, definitely will not eat, only Ensure.

I take her to her doctor and I look like a liar! She acts fine and her tests show nothing. I am at wits end! My husband and I have stayed by her side for weeks, believing she has all the signs of passing. He even told me I need to prepare myself. She has vascular dementia from a couple falls and brain surgeries to drain the pooled blood from the brain to relieve the pressure.

I have NO clue what is going on with her and I think her doctor is "stumped" also. If anyone has any thoughts or ideas as to what may be going o or even knows for sure, I would greatly appreciate it I would especially appreciate someone to "chit-chat" with, because I have ulcers from this. I am an only child with no relief and comparing notes with someone who has experienced this or knows someone that has would be so much appreciated. Thanks so much!

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my mother just passed away. she had a stroke, and down hill from there. PLEASE make sure medical staff measure vitals every day....blood pressure, oxygen level, and xray for PNEMONIA
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Be grateful for the "good" days and the good hours. Cherish any connection you can make with her during those times. Cope with the bad days as best you can.

I don't know much about vascular dementia. I know that great fluctuations are a hallmark of the kind of dementia my husband has, Lewy Body Dementia. Perhaps you could talk to her doctor about what to expect with vascular dementia.

Since she is possibly in the final stage of her life (I only say possibly) perhaps you all would benefit from hospice services. Would her doctor approve that?

Hugs to you in this challenging situation.
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Hugs and hugs to you. My mother was on the brink last summer with pneumonia as well. She lives at NH and I had to arrange for hospice intervention. I was told she would most likely not be taken off oxygen. I worked closely with hospice and stayed with her day and night in her room until she miraculously recovered.

You mentioned your mom has vascular dementia. Honestly, sometimes I think the doctors are clueless with the elderly. I can relate to how well they can appear at doctor visits; but act totally different in their own environment.

Do you think your mother has depression, or some other form of mental illness that would explain the highs and lows, energy, no energy. My mother goes from one extreme to another as well; but has diagnosed mental problems; but can be savvy enough at the doctor to come across normal. It is hard to explain; MIL was like this as well.

If you are getting ulcers from this, then that is your body telling you to get some help. I would love to help you in any way I can. I'm not an only child, but in this alone - my brother is deceased and sister lives 3,000 miles away and wants no involvement. I highly recommend Elder Services in your town - just for coping strategies and understanding of your plight.

Please write to me anytime - my mother has 9 lives and if I could figure out her behaviour I would be a brain surgeon. Blessings to you and hugs.
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