I have stopped contact with my father
what happens when he dies? I don't want to be involved
at this point he doesn't want me over there so I will probably never see him before he dies and that's sits ok with me. He deserves nothing,
what should I do with his body when he dies? I know this is maudlin I am sorry) do I call 911 and what happens after that? I am that clueless
what about a funeral home? What about cleaning out his filthy house? My sister will be here taking over, I am sure (and I hope so).
Who will pay for all that? I sure as hell won't.
I appreciate this place
:heart:
As for the filthy house. How is his Will set up? If he hasn't cut you out, the more cleaning and work you and your sister do when it's time to sell his house, the more money it will sell for. So that means more inheritance for the two of you. If he goes into a resodential care facility, don't bother because his asset will go towards his care bill.
I know what it's like to be a trigger for someone. My mother made me her scapegoat and trigger from the time I was a little kid. I see and talk to her a few times a month. If she starts with any her usual nonsense, I visit or the phone call quickly ends. Your father has made you his trigger. So ignore him. You can still help your sister without being directly involved with him.
You have to think of your own mental health. If you've made peace with never seeing him again and are okay with that, good for you. Don't let anyone try to guilt trip you or make you feel bad about it because you're not wrong.
Glad you have taken this step but it's clear you are still "staying involved" in your own mind while you claim to be cutting off contact. It doesn't work having both things true.
See a good cognitive therapist to work through future actions.
Write sis and tell her you are permanently disengaging and want to let her know that you won't be participating in the end days nor in disposal of body. If you are called by hospitals, coroners, other officials tell them you are not involved and refer them to Sister's number. Let her know you'll be doing that, and don't wish to discuss this or argue further.
When you do see the therapist feel free to discuss options with her in moving forward as a child who has disengaged from a parent for your own health. This doesn't HAVE to be a steel clad box. You are free to help Sis in arranging last rights, etc when Dad passes.
This is something you simply are doing now for your own health and well being. It's self caring. When Dad passes he will be gone and done with. The arranging of a funeral or disposal of body is all quite beside the point. It will be over.
I won't post here anymore I am being pig headed and not listening to advice so I won't ask for it any more thanks for all who wrote.
I made an appt for therapy
If he is not on hospice, the coroner will be called and he will determine if an autopsy will be done. His state may have a fund for indigent people. It will pay for cremation only. If he is on Medicaid, they may pay.
My ex died in his chair, drinking beer and watching TV. My name was given as an ex so I got the call from the coroner. He was so bad he though my ex was homeless. His house was awful. It went up for sheriff sale and those who bought it, had to clean it up. He was cremated using insurance money he had.
"My sister will be here taking over I am sure (and I hope so)"
That's who will do anything. If there's no money to bury him, then no one should go claim his body.
"who will pay for all that?"
None of the costs associated with his death, even his recent medical bills, are anyone else's responsibility. He will end up at the morgue. If no one comes to claim him, he is cremated, which will be paid for by the county or state. If they can't find any relatives to come and claim his ashes, they somehow dispose of them -- his ashes are not interred.
None of his debt is any of your responsibility, unless you are co-signer on something, like a credit card or loan.
If he had a Will, and any remaining assets, someone would need to find it. If no one finds it, it's as if it never existed. This is what happened with my SFIL. He died in debt and a jerk, We had a copy of his Will, but all he left was debt and no cash or assets, on Medicaid in LTC facility, so we threw it out. Same with my MIL. In debt, no assets, on Medicaid in LTC facility, threw out her Will.
No one, including you, are responsible for cleaning out his apartment -- the landlord will do it and eat the cost -- that's part of the business expense of being a landlord. They hire contractors to take care of this. His lease will end so they can rent out his apartment as quickly as possible.
His mail will pile up and probably collected by the building manager, or be returned to the senders. Medicare will pay for his medical expenses. Any other medical expenses will be uncollectible. This happens all the time.
The funeral home will contact SS first thing so his checks/deposits will stop.
If no one was managing any of his affairs, and didn't have any accounts (like to pay utilities, phone, cable, insurance, etc) eventually when they go unpaid his accounts will be closed.
Nothing for YOU to worry about or do. May you receive peace in your heart.
Since you don’t want to be involved , don’t. You are not obligated to pay a funeral home or to clean out his house .
If sis does take over fine . Do not allow her to pressure you to do anything or to pay for anything .
People without involved family and no prearranged burial plans are buried by the county in potter’s fields.
For your mental health , See a therapist .
Walk away from this situation completely . Don’t worry about the house either . It’s not worth it . It won’t be the first abandoned home .