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I am taking my wife to a hospice mental health center for her the first time. My wife is in an advanced stage of dementia Alzheimer’s. I’m just burned out taking care of her and desperately need a break. Please advise on preparations on how to take her to the mental care facility for a short term respite time. I just don’t know if she’s going to cooperate with me taking her there. Thank you, nervous and anxious husband.

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It might be best not to tell her in advance. Just get her in the car and when you arrive take her in as if you were going to a regular doctor's appointment (or whatever) and let the staff take it from there. Stay calm as you're leaving so she doesn't see your distress, which will add to any of hers. If you get emotional, try to hold it until you're out of her sight. (Verify this suggestion with the staff. They may advise something different, based on their extensive experience.)

If necessary, you can call a private medical transport company to take her, which may be more feasible than driving her yourself. Depending on whether she can safely sit in the car, or needs to go one a stretcher/bed, you can go along with them or follow in your own car.

Also, please evaluate whether this is an opportunity to follow up by placing her in long-term care. She may do better than you expect. Don't spend the precious time off worrying. Use the time for what's it's meant for -- rest and respite. And then think about whether that would be the best situation for both of you going forward, with her getting additional medical care and you getting relief from burnout.

I wish you well with your much-deserved break. Let us know how it goes.
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Reply to MG8522
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funkygrandma59 Apr 18, 2025
Since your wife is under hospice care, they will provide medical transport to their facility and back(covered 100% under Medicare), so talk to them about that if it makes you more comfortable doing it that way.
And your wife will be just fine, as will you.
And please make sure that you continue to take advantage of the respite that hospice offers as you can have your wife in respite once every 90 days for 5 days each time.
God bless you as you continue on this journey with your wife.
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What I would tell you is that, no matter what you do, she isn't going to like this, and that is something you will need to live with. You are attempting to care for her the best you can within your human limitations. This isn't about happiness. In fact, this cannot be and will not be a happy time. This is about unhappiness and doing the best you can to walk through it with all the good and the bad moments. You cannot be responsible for the happiness of others. You are doing your best. It will have to be good enough.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Call the facility and ask for their recommendations on how to handle preparation and drop off. They are accustomed to this and can provide guidance. You should never apologize or feel bad for needing this, burnout is inevitable and makes one an ineffective caregiver, you’re wise to know and accept your limits. I wish you both peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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