We've been married 24 years. He unknowingly had a stroke that's made things progressively worse. He's always angry.
I'm lonely in an unfamiliar state. 3 years ago, we moved to Virginia from Florida, my home state. I don't know anyone, and I have absolutely no family and friends here that can help support me.
My husband's stroke happened I would say, within the last year. It was confirmed by a cardiologist who wants tests done to see the extent of the damage. In the meantime, he's angry and meaner than he's ever been, and he was already mean.
I'm trying to get him to go back to Florida where I can have some support while he gets better, but he's not willing. I'm ready to just cut loose, but I feel awful. The daily lying, anger and outbursts are more damaging to our son and myself at this point... Please, anyone.
Parts of the brain were deprived of oxygen and died. Those dead brain cells don't heal. They are gone forever.
The lying, anger and outbursts you describe are likely his frustration with feeling his brain not functioning properly. He should see a neurologist to get a proper assessment and guidance on how to live with the damage that's been done, as well as to prevent further damage. That may mean medication, and psychiatric treatment.
You've been married for 24 years to a man who was already mean. And he still is.
That's not going to change. I'm uncertain whether you are seeking medical or marital advice.
You can go to Florida with or without him, if you feel that is where you need to be. If you were to leave, is he able to live on his own? Does he need help with daily activities or care needs? You don't mention anything about his condition other than unwanted behaviors.
Talk with his primary care doctor. There may be medications that can help.
But, don't plan on "waiting" for his condition to improve.
Before you do that actually - speak to his doctor and see what he says. He may need medication. Maybe hes in pain and lashing out. So book that call/appointment with the doctor and then tackle the next step which is moving.
If he disagrees then it really is for your to organise for him to go into care as he needs someone to look after him and you are unable to alone.
Thats the thing about moving out away from your support group - as you get older you more often than not need them.
Good luck.
I thought that you said that you have "NO support" and don't know anyone?
How do I reconcile that you husband is damaging you son, and you have no one.
It is sounding like you DO HAVE your son? Is he any help to you in this?
Can you explain?
I think testing needs to be done before the cart is put in front of the horse.
Unless the personality change happened -- boom!-- at the time of the stroke, this personality change is unlikely to be due to the stroke itself, but may well be severe depression. Which can be helped with medications.
Get the testing. Ask about the depression. Consider medication.
If he is diagnosed with dementia then after assessment he may need placement. And most CERTAINLY, if he has become incompetent in his own care and decisions, you could not simply leave him and divorce him without insuring he has followup and supportive care.
I am all for the divorce, as I THINK you are saying he was "always mean": your exact statement is: " In the meantime he's angry and meaner than he's ever been and he's already mean been angry"; I think you are saying he's always been mean?
It's a pity, then, that this divorce wasn't done years ago. However, better late than never with an abuser. If this is a mean man who was always mean then divorce.
As I said first things should be done first.
Because if testing shows incompetency then you cannot say "Oh, then I want a divorce". Much more complicated and you would need to see an attorney to find out just HOW much more complicated it would be.
Good luck. Hope you'll update us.