I'm exhausted. I wrote recently about my situation. I'm 62 and my husband is 82. We've been weaving though this diagnosis following a severe concussion. While I am the primary caregiver and have accompanied my husband to all visits, etc and am home nights and weekends, we have caregivers daily who allow my to go to work. I wrote previously because he has been very upset that I want to visit our daughter on the East Coast for 5 days. It will be wonderful to have a few successive days NOT thinking about care, schedules, doctor visits, and the predominant anger and frustration he has developed and takes out on me. I understand he feels very insecure and vulnerable and wants someone with him 24/7. If I need or want time for myself ... I am "selfish" and "unsympathetic". When I explained to him that I'm beginning to not feel so good and worry a bit about what we'd do if I get sick, he replied "you have family who love you. They'll take care of you". Meanwhile his emotional state is one of depression, fear and is consumed with this condition (that has been diagnosed as "mild" at this point). I tried to calmly explain that it's not my personality to truly "baby" someone but if you need an ally; someone who is relentless in arranging for caregiving, being there one-on-one as much as humanly possible, encouragement to not give in or give up, to embrace what we have and move forward, I'm your girl. My heart pounds and I'm sick to my stomach each time I need to talk with him about something I know will set him off. Last night he told me he for the umpteenth time that he made a mistake when he married me. That he thought I had better character than I appear to have and how can I leave him alone in his condition? That once 30 years ago when I didn't feel good, he came right home to be with me. And that that's the kind of person he is. I try not to show how deeply I'm hurt by him. It feels like he's a bottomless pit of neediness, fear, insecurities and helplessness and will say any unkindness when provoked. All of this is on top of a history of him getting or feeling sick whenever if I ever want to go somewhere. As it is I no longer have even one friend because: largely because I don't have the freedom to see people. He wants me to want to be, and want to be with him, all the time; no matter how good or bad he treats me. I'm suffocating. How do I support him and stay positive? Why is it such a fight for me to have any things to look forward to? He has been afraid of aging and dying for years and now he has a condition he's really throwing himself into it :0(((. He's miserable; I'm miserable. I think you wouldn't know if if you met me on the street -- I'm pretty good a keeping things bottled up but I know it can't be good on the old body. Ugh….I feel like iI've always done everything for him and it's impossible to fill the bucket. Why doesn't he understand or seem to care about me - and my one and only life - as much as I care about him? What does he behave like he (and his condition) are more important than me? I'm going to be late home tonight (the caregiver is staying) so I can pinch my nephew's baby's little cheeks on the way home. Know I'm going to pay for it though. I rambling … and probably need help. I don't know what else to do for him to "love" me. If in my rambling you see something that makes you think I'm the problem - throw that out there too! I'm just so drained and hurt I can't see it.