I am having a very hard time cleaning up my mother after a bowel movement. She is on hospice for cancer. She is bedridden and can barely move her lower half. To begin with, I personally am not cut out for this part of caregiving. She feels bad, and I feel bad for dreading doing it. She wears a catheter so its just bowel movements. A bedpan is too hard to get under her and she says she can't go that way. So pads are under her. I roll her on her side which is so hard. I bend her top leg and try to get her clean. I try not to let on like I'm a about to throw up. Whats wrong with me? Some people do this and never flinch. I am so uncomfortable cleaning her and she as well. God help us!