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I am trying to organise for Mum to go into respite when we move because I cant manage everything...I just can't. Mum is determined she is not going to go and currently they are listening to her not me. Advice?


Right now I feel like taking her on the day to the respite home for a day visit and not going back to pick her up, but that would end me in deep poo so don't even suggest that route!

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I agree with Pam; meds and don't discuss the move with her at all. Tell her it's been postponed. Make the reservation at the care home and drop her there the day before the move. Or better, have a friend, adult child or neighbor drop her. Like children, they always behave better for strangers.
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Omg, Jude. Is there a central authority that oversees these folks?

My only other suggestion, which i think was already put out, is to have someone sit with her in the old place until the movers are done. If she won't go to respite happily, then she'll just have to put up with the flurry of moving and you ignoring her. She'll have someone else with her. If she has hystetics, you call an ambulance.

I'm sorry if I sound cold hearted. But i have a very low tolerance for crap from my mother.With or without dementia, If she wants my help, it's on my terms, or she can find someone else.
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One more thing Jude. The authorities may have to ask your mother "would you like to...?", ,but in my experience, it's a poor way to put a question to a demented person. "Now we're going to...". "This is the plan for today, Mom". I never tell my mother any plans before the day of the event, else she ruminates endlessly.
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Jude - your mom sounds mean. I'm be awfully tempted to tell her that unless she cooperates with the move - you'll be moving on your own with out her. Why do our elders feel they can cause us more stress just because they can. Unfortunately, I lose my temper with my elders :(
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People I will be fine - I just needed to vent in a big way. The road for carers is made so much harder by the people in power and that is what absolutely P155E5 me off.
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Oh how ridiculous, doesn't anyone over there use common sense? If they had asked my mom if she wanted to go into a respite facility she would say she could just stay at home in bed alone, even though she is 100% dependent for her ADLs. Maybe you should invent a health crisis and just drop her off at the ER for the day.
Seriously though, could you at least hire someone to keep her occupied for the day?
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Well well well they have come back to me with an alternative suggestion. I can have 'in house care' they will send carers in to look after Mum at home.....breathes deeply erm thats the whole point.... there won't be a home. Ah no but that will be the situation next time you want respite.

So if I want to go away for a weeks respite the ONLY care option I am being offered (which Mum will have to pay for is 168 hours home care using 4 carers to cover the round the clock care and it will cost Mum £18.50 an hour so thats £3108 (4514.99 $) plus they don't shop, clean, do laundry. They will cook (oh thats good of them)

On the face of it I can see why they charge that much but is does strike a chord when that is almost exactly the same kind of money that the govt consider I am worth for caring for Mum for the entire year
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Apparently (and it will become worse very soon) care homes in our area don't keep beds available for respite. We had a home that ONLY had respite and rehab but they are closing it - damned intelligent move given the baby boomers are just to explode on the care needs scene
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Oh Jude--Oh my. You were so helpful to me a month or so ago. I wish I could be helpful to you. Just know as you somehow get through this frustrating, unbelievable, unfair, and unjust mess, (and you will!) that you have a lot of people rooting for you. I think we need a sort of miracle for you.
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Jude, it's always amazing to me how sometimes we just tip over into the realm of "did i really just do that?"

OTOH, I really think you and CountryMouse should get together and start a UK carer's respite house.
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