Advice for mom's first night home with 24/7 caregiver?

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My mom goes home on Friday after a stroke 4 mos ago that had her in rehab followed by a few weeks in the SNF. She's lived alone for 35 years, so this is a massive change, and will no doubt be a huge transition. I have been living, eating and breathing nothing else for the past few weeks. I'll be there all day Friday, meeting the caregiver, the nurse who does an assessment, etc. I'm thinking I'll stay over the first night. Is that a good idea? Or should I leave her alone with this complete stranger? So confusing. If I'm there, do I make dinner? Do we all eat together? I assume that in a few weeks a routine will be set, but just anticipating the first few days. Her BF will visit, but not until the following weekend, as he needs foot surgery.

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Today the weekday aide showed up, almost an hour late. On top of it, she seems extremely hyper and in-your-face. The weekend person is a doll, a keeper. I guess you can't always get the right fit with everyone, as you guys point out. I just feel bad that my mom has to have her there for 4 days. Maybe they'' eventually hit it off, but I've already alerted the agency that I suspect they'll need to find someone else for that shift.
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Xina, I remember one time when my Dad came home after a few days stay in a hospital it took him a few days to get settled back into his routine at home. While at the hospital he though he was in a hotel because the hand towels were made into swans, and the meals were menu style.

Wow, I am amazed with your Mom's memory for names. I have a terrible time myself with names, and so did my Dad... my Mom was good with names.
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Xinabess, ask the aides to identify themselves at every interaction with your mother. That's what they do in facilities. Tell them how to address your mother as well. IOW, Mrs. Jones, or Jane, or if a nickname is ok. Some people just automatically call everyone "Honey", but mom may not like that.
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The memory issues seem to have gotten worse just since she got home two days ago! Maybe it's the sudden change in environment? At the SNF, my mom remembered the name of every single aide every single time; even the aides couldn't believe it. Today she has called me several times to remind her what the home aide's name is. I guess I have been in some denial about the degree to which the stroke has affected her memory. Sigh.
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xinabess, it is not uncommon for the patient to say they want to go home even when they are home. It's an indication that the stroke has affected memory as well as mobility. You are a wonderful daughter to give this a try at home.
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Xina, if the Caregivers are from an Agency, don't be afraid to ask for others to come to the house to take care of Mom, that way you can see which personality works out the best.

For my Dad when he had 24 hours care, he had quite a few different caregivers and two of them really stood out as an excellent fit personality wise, similar background to my Dad growing up, and both had a great sense of humor. So I asked Dad which caregivers did he like, and they were the two I would have picked.

Even when my Dad moved to senior living, I had the two caregivers worked into the schedule as I wanted Dad to have a daily routine, since I couldn't be there daily.
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it's ok, no apologizing neccesary- they are there because the person may awaken, its their job and be thankful she woke up!
24 care is on call...
I removed anything of value before they came to my mom's and wrote up detailed instructions which we read over together. Every day they entered notes in a notebook about mom and left it there for the next shift to read.
my mom had bad alzheimers but after a while was very happy to see the aid there in the middle of the night when she was scared and wanted to go home. Also early in the morning way earlier than I would have gotten there to make her breakfast . They cleaned too. Yes it is a learning curve to let go- it was extremely difficult for me...
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For my grandfather they have cameras in every room. Not just for the staff, but also so they can check on him whenever they wish. I wish I could afford that for my father in law that lives with us just because sometimes I worry if he falls I wont be able to hear him as we moved from a house with a wood Foundation so I could hear if he fell, but now we are in a home with concrete Foundation and I cant hear anything ever.
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I did stay over the first night (Friday) and it was a good thing. There's so much orientation necessary for the aides. Now I find myself worrying about the aides, though! Are they comfortable? Is my mom asking for more wine that she should be? (Yes, turns out that happened last night.) Is she asking to get in and out of the wheelchair/bed too often, etc.

This morning I spoke to my mom, who sounded fine. I spoke briefly to the aide, who said my mom had woken up at 2 am, confused, saying she wanted to go home. She was up for an hour. I found myself apologizing to the aide, since she is really not officially "on duty" over night. I need to let go and stop worrying about everyone!! If the aide isn't happy for some reason, she'll tell the agency, right?

Boy, this is a learning curve...
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I remember my Mom's first day home only for her to find that I had hired around the clock caregivers from an Agency. They worked 8 hour shifts, thus the one on duty wouldn't leave the house until the next caregiver arrived. I thought that would be great.

Oops, I thought wrong, my Mom was furious. How care an another woman cook a meal for my Dad [and for my Mom]. That wasn't going to happen in her house. And Mom thought she would need to set up the guest room bed for the overnight caregiver, to which I had a hard time convincing that that caregiver stays awake all night in case she needed some help. Well, that didn't fly well, either.

Xina, I hope you Mom's accepts the caregivers and everything goes smoothly. It will be a learning experience for everyone. Once my Mom went into long-term-care, I got back the caregivers for Dad who loved having them around, and they loved him as he was so easy going and took direction well :)
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