Not too many friends at one time. Too overwhelming. My Mom was good for about an hour. Ask them not to expect too much interchange between them and Mom. Short sentences and no long explanation. Do not ask "Do you remember me?" Tell them just to say "Hi, its me Jane"
I agree with Mayday that you should be certain that visits will be a good thing for your LO. Try not to project your desires for what her life "should" be like onto her. Dementia changes all of that.
If you think your LO will enjoy the visits, make sure these friends understand the best ways to engage her. A visit may be "better" than a call in regards to your wife's ablity to understand who is calling and why. You will need to decide if having more than one visitor at a time will be good for your wife. Your LO might repeat herself often or ask the same questions so her friends will need to be given strategies on how to deal with this possible challenge. Also, to not say things like "Remember when..." or "Do you remember...?" etc.
If you have old photo albums maybe she'd enjoy going through them with her friends, go for a walk, eat out (or at home, whichever is less stressful for her). If she remembers how to play any card or board games (as long as friends are flexible with rules she might forget), etc.
Just because someone is a friend doesn't mean they'll understand what dementia does to a person's mind and ability to socialize. If they're anything like me, it will take them a while to stop reacting to her as if she's her prior, fully-cognitive self. We take for granted simple things in relationships, so giving her friends a little help to make the visit be more enjoyable for all will bless everyone.
I just had a conversation about this with my mom’s respite caregiver, who has a lot of experience with dementia. Her advice was to let people know mom has dementia, she still loves to talk to her friends, but she finds it stressful to be asked questions that require factual recall (when is so and so’s birthday, etc), or to be given open ended choices (what do you want to eat?). She enjoys being asked her opinion about things, and talking about the old days. The caregiver likened this to prepping someone for a play date when your child has special needs. It’s not gossiping, it’s preparing a comfortable experience for all parties.
If they are "true" friends you won't need to give them any advice as I'm sure they already know their friend has dementia and will act and say things accordingly. And if it makes you feel better you can put her calls on speaker so if your wife can't respond properly you can jump in to do so. Also you can keep any visits short if necessary. Your wife will let you know if she's enjoying the visits or not. Be grateful that your wife still has friends that want to be apart of her life. Please don't keep them a way.
If you think your LO will enjoy the visits, make sure these friends understand the best ways to engage her. A visit may be "better" than a call in regards to your wife's ablity to understand who is calling and why. You will need to decide if having more than one visitor at a time will be good for your wife. Your LO might repeat herself often or ask the same questions so her friends will need to be given strategies on how to deal with this possible challenge. Also, to not say things like "Remember when..." or "Do you remember...?" etc.
If you have old photo albums maybe she'd enjoy going through them with her friends, go for a walk, eat out (or at home, whichever is less stressful for her). If she remembers how to play any card or board games (as long as friends are flexible with rules she might forget), etc.
Just because someone is a friend doesn't mean they'll understand what dementia does to a person's mind and ability to socialize. If they're anything like me, it will take them a while to stop reacting to her as if she's her prior, fully-cognitive self. We take for granted simple things in relationships, so giving her friends a little help to make the visit be more enjoyable for all will bless everyone.
has dementia, she still loves to talk to her friends, but she finds it stressful to be asked questions that require factual recall (when is so and so’s birthday, etc), or to be given open ended choices (what do you want to eat?). She enjoys being asked her opinion about things, and talking about the old days. The caregiver likened this to prepping someone for a play date when your child has special needs. It’s not gossiping, it’s preparing a comfortable experience for all parties.
And if it makes you feel better you can put her calls on speaker so if your wife can't respond properly you can jump in to do so.
Also you can keep any visits short if necessary. Your wife will let you know if she's enjoying the visits or not.
Be grateful that your wife still has friends that want to be apart of her life. Please don't keep them a way.
how does she feel?
my spouse doesn’t want any visitors nor talk on phone. Won’t even pick up to call anyone.
it’s sad.. it’s very sad.., thst isolates me as well..