Support and advice for a young helpless caregiver?

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I am 21 years old. When I was 19 my grandmother suffered a massive stroke which left my mother my legally disabled brother, and myself to care for her. This year I very reluctantly left home for the first time to join an Americorps program that gives me an opportunity to travel, help others, and help obtain some of my future dreams. After being away for a week I rushed home after hearing news that my mother had also suffered a stroke. now my family cares for both her and my grandmother, and it isn't easy. I feel guilty and angry at the fact that I'm 21 and I hardly have time to take care of my hygiene. I get anxious to leave the house because I feel like it's unfair to do anything fun if my family cannot. my mother is losing everything she worked for her whole life because the assistance she gets only covers her mortgage and health insurance costs (she isn't eligible for medicaid/medicare) we can't afford any type of homecare and we are all suffering. To be honest it's too much for me to deal with and i feel like i'm deteriorating in every way possible. I was offered to go back to americorps for the next ten months, and the 21 year old in me knows this is an opportunity i will lose as I grow older and more busy, and also knows that my mom worked hard to give me opportunities. But i can't even leave the house, let alone travel the country without feeling guilty. I already feel like i'm not doing enough. Eventually I'm going to have to choose between myself and my mother who worked herself sick taking care of me. I'm just looking for some advice on the topic. I'm really in need of support.

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If your mom qualifies for SSDI then she qualifies for Medicare/Medicaid. Also look into HBOT treatments for her. They work to help the brain heal. I know I’ve had them.  Even chronic conditions.  I’ve had multiple brain injuries from various accidents and I’m also the primary caregiver for my elderly parents plus a single mom.  As others have said reach out and obtain resources to help all of you.  I used to be the primary breadwinner too.  
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Can you call a social worker to come over to your house to discuss options? Perhaps there are family caregiver resources available that you are unaware of and they can help guide you to them.

You can also go to the family caregiver website for more resources: http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/fcn_content_node.jsp?nodeid=2083
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She is only 21 and should not be having to concern herself with all those issues.
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Quick question - did Mom get good rehab after her stroke? If not, you'd have an option to get her into an inpatient acute or post-acute rehab, and there is a lot of recovery that could still take place. Being treated as an invalid or "stupid" as you said, by a sister (or by anybody!), is for sure not rehabilitative. Could grandmother possibly recieve skilled nursing or assisted living services? \

I think what I am trying to say is there may be routes to your loved ones getting what they need that don't require and could even be much better for them than you just staying home forever to personally provide all their care. Arranging for them may still be a lot of work and stress, but could leave you knowing and feeling that you did the right things for them, AND for you.

Finally, ask the doctors what the cause of their strokes was, and remember that this is just one case of many where stroke is not just an old people's disease; they should help you assess your own risk of having similar problems youself.
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Dear!! You are too young for such journey. Please seek resources, professional resource or perhaps an Aunt. There has to be somebody who will help you sort through this difficulty. You need to fulfill your dreams and goals. I have 2 daughters & would never expect such choice. I take cars of my 88 year old mother and it really has been the most challenging journey I have ever been on. Please think this through & speak with your Mother if at all possible. Seek God and pray.
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I know this was posted by Care about a month ago and I was just wondering if she had made any decisions about whether she is going to stay and look after her mum or leave and start living her life. 21 is too young to become a caregiver, I think she should have fun!
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It is very honorable your commitment to your family. However we still need to address the feelings of guilt. Should you focus your life on them or yourself? That seems to be the real question. If your final decision is to stay home and be a caregiver understand that your own health is at risk if you do not do an outstanding job of taking excellent care of yourself. It might be helpful to time-frame your commitment on how long you will stay at home being a caregiver. That way you have honored your family bet also have a clear understanding as to when you will be moving on. The alternative as you know is to re-sign up with the Americorps program. Feels of guilt will likely exists no matter what you choose to do. What is important is to get some personal help from a professional that can help you process your feelings so that you can get to a place of peace about your decision. It is important that you get help soon and I would start by call the local mental health association in your area. There are many non-profit organizations that offer low fee or free counseling services.
Please don't wait, you need to take care of yourself too.
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Care .. you hit the nail on the head .. you're grieving on many levels. And take it from an old bird .. nevah say 'never'. Honestly, it just feels that way. Dangit .. I know you're 21, but you're not done growing up yet, even if you've had to take on the role of parent and caregiver. Along with making your own choices, squeeze in YOU time and just be 21.

Keep on doing your best ..
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God bless you and your family, sweetie. I am so sorry for the trials you are enduring. Do call local organizations to see what help might be available - like volunteers. Is your Mom able to walk and talk? Are there extended family members around beside your aunt you mentioned?
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thank you all so much. My friends don't have a clue what it is like to become the parent overnight. and how it feels to grieve the loss of someone still alive. and regardless of how much i'm suffering my family doesn't notice, and they really truly don't care. i've lost so much weight since february my clothes are loose. nobody cares that i don't eat or sleep or that i wish i was dead a lot of the time. I can't tell you how comforting it is to talk to others who understand.
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