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I'm 26 years old and have been my 58 year old mother's caretaker for about 6 months. My dad helps at night, but I spend most of my days helping get her dressed, fed, and to and from appointments. She's in end stage renal failure with dialysis 3 times a week. She hardly ever stays her whole treatment because she says she has anxiety. She's tried multiple medications but they don't seem to help. This is causing her to gain an extreme amount of excess fluid, so she is starting to lose mobility and experience breathing problems. They've told her to limit her sodium and fluid intake, but she does just the opposite. I monitor these things while I'm around but when I leave she eats and drinks what she wants. It seems she doesn't do anything at all to help herself and runs me ragged. I have a brother who helps when he can, but not near enough as I need. I quit my job to take over her job as office secretary at my dad's small business, which means I've also become their personal secretary handling bills, taxes, insurance, medicare, and disability paperwork. I feel very overwhelmed with all the business duties on top of all her medical duties. Every time I make plans on the few days I have free, she calls and says she needs something and tries to cut my plans short. I'm torn between feeling obligated as her daughter to make sure I care for her the best I can, but also not wanting to miss out on opportunities I'll only have while I'm young and single. I know this is a long post, but I appreciate any advice from those who may have some insight.

I am lucky where I live, the Hospital is 10 min away. I would dro her off and go back 6 hours later. Lots of time to do the work. Check out Senior bussing in ur atea. Usually Office of Aging can help here. They will pick her u and take her home.

Mom is killing herself. Toxins are not being cleaned out. The extra water she is carrying is not good. This is going to make the heart and kidneys work overtime.

I am assuming that ur on ur own. Keep it that way. You need a place to crash and Dad needs to hire an aide a few hrs a day. Telk him you can not do it all. And giving up ur job is not an option.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Drop her off at dialysis, return to pick her up at the scheduled time.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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Ele,
Your mother is non-compliant in her treatment plan. This would be difficult for professionals to handle. You might be "enabling her" by taking her home early from dialysis, (as one example). You may become understandably resentful giving it your all, while she receives, takes, and does not show she cares enough about herself to live.

You have already taken on the responsibility of her job, giving up your own job.

Carefully consider that at any age, your "helping out" the family is already on overload. At your young age, you need to be investing in your own future by paying into Social Security (by deductions from your paycheck). You are being paid correctly for the "job"?

Then, this is your Mom. Add into your responsibility all the emotions you will be missing in your relationship by being her caregiver.

You could start by choosing the job or caregiving. Not both, imo.

Did you graduate college, or have plans to go? Have you also given up relationships to make this sacrifice for your Mom, and Dad?

I have a granddaughter your age. If you were her, I would advise her to move out, have her own life, her own job. The parents can hire the help they need. You, the loving, caring, and dutiful daughter can visit your parents.
Sorry you are going through this, and your Mom at such a young age, being so ill.

This is only one way to survive. You can get counseling to help you decide your future.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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Dad should hire a part time caregiver. 4-6 hours a day. This will allow you to get the office work done (keep your job!).

it is not fair that Dad puts all this on you.

You are far far too young to be giving up your own well being for Mom. Dad needs to see this, show him this post.
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Reply to Katiekate
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I understand that as a devoted daughter, you want to do everything you can to help your parents. They are very lucky to have you! But, in trying to be all things to them, you are taking on way too much responsibility and trying to be everybody’s everything. Get some help with your mother. See how much help her insurance will pay for and ask for a doctors referral for it. Then, tell your father that you can no longer help him run his business. He will have to hire a part-time secretary. You will train him/her, but you cannot be Mom’s caretaker and his Girl Friday. If you just can’t tell yiur father this, make sure you tell your father since you are his employee you need health insurance and a retirement account.

As for Mom stuffing herself with unhealthy food as soon as you step foot out the door, if it’s not there, she can’t eat it. Warn others that they are not to buy her these foods. If you see it, you will toss it in the trash. Mom is pulling the “anxiety” card to get out of what she doesn’t want to do. And people are accepting it and letting her get away with it. But, ultimately, it’s her choice. If she doesn’t want to contribute to her treatment and cure, there isn’t much you can do other than to stop trying and call someone else in to be her caretaker, or explore possible placement in a facility for her.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Can she afford to hire a caregiver a few times a week so you can get out guilt-free?  Most important.

If she goes to a Nursing Home, who takes her for dialysis?  I never had to think about that.  Caring for her, and being a POA or just doing parents' bills can be exhausting.  Dad might have to hire a part-time secretary.  Somehow, you have to take care of yourself to avoid burnout and your own wellbeing.  Hugs!
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Reply to GrannieAnnie
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