My grandfather passed away last week rather suddenly and it’s left my grandma alone to care for my great grandma (her mom) who also raised me therefore I see her as a mom too. She has a sister that lives in Wyoming. I’m relocating 1000 miles back home to help out but see my gg needs 24/7 care. We cannot afford to put her in a home nor would she adjust well given her personality and emotional attachments. Looking for objective advice on how I proceed with my life without being forced to cram back in with family (not enough bedrooms right now). I still need to finish my Masters degree as well. Was working full time and got wrongfully laid off the day after his passing unfortunately. I am in a pickle and cannot begin to think or prioritize myself, my emotions, my attachments properly. wwyd?
I am truly sorry to see you moving 1,000 miles back home when I myself here so often give the advice to move 1,000 miles AWAY FROM FAMILY in these instances.
You are 25. This is the time for you to get your education and begin your own life, not to throw your own life in sacrifice upon the burning funeral pyres or every elder in your family.
My humble opinion.
Before making any major decisions, I encourage you to take care of yourself too. Your university/college may offer counseling or mental health support services, which could be valuable as you process your grief, career setback, and this unexpected transition. If you’re feeling stuck, a counselor or therapist might help you work through your emotions and find clarity on your next steps. Your state may also have similar mental health resources (a new mental health service called Soluna recently launched in California for people aged 13-25).
One thing that stands out to me is how deeply you care about your family. Wanting to step in and help—especially during such a difficult time—says so much about your kindness, strength, and integrity. But I also want to reassure you that stepping up doesn’t have to mean taking everything on yourself. It’s easy during a crisis to feel like you suddenly have to shoulder everything alone. Sometimes the best first step is giving yourself the time and space to explore what support systems might already exist.
Before making any big decisions, it may help to check if financial or caregiving support is available—here are some places to start.
1. A benefits coordinator/benefits consultant:
Before making any major commitments, you might want to see if your family qualifies for certain government assistance programs. Some options to explore include:
a) Medicaid: If your great-grandmother has been diagnosed as disabled, she may be eligible for your state’s Medicaid program, which in some cases helps cover care costs. Eligibility varies by state, so it’s worth checking.
b) Supplemental Security Income (SSI): This is a program through the Social Security Administration for individuals with disabilities or those aged 65 and older who meet low-income requirements. If your great-grandmother (or grandmother) is only receiving a small amount from Social Security or a pension, she may qualify.
c) In-home support programs: Some states offer in-home caregiving benefits that may provide or help pay for a part-time caregiver—including, in some cases, paying a family member. However, eligibility rules and requirements vary by state, so you’d want to check your specific state’s guidelines.
d) Veterans' benefits: If any of your grandparents or great-grandparents were veterans, they may be eligible for some VA (Veteran’s Affairs) benefits. Even spouses of veterans may qualify for certain VA programs. If your grandfather served in a war, then some VA burial benefits may be available as well. Keep in mind that there are special rules for who can help someone apply for VA benefits—if someone helps your family with this kind of paperwork, make sure they have the necessary qualifications and approval from the VA. If you’re unsure where to start, you could contact a non-profit that helps veterans and their families.
If you’re struggling financially, a benefits consultant may also be able to direct you to public resources that provide financial or caregiving assistance.
2. Your state’s Department of Aging or local AARP
These organizations can connect you with resources, non-profits, and government programs that might assist you and your family. This could include transportation assistance, respite care, or even programs like Meals on Wheels (every little bit helps!). Some areas also have local caregiving support groups, which can be valuable for advice and emotional support.
I hope this information helps. It’s really just scratching the surface, so I encourage you to keep looking and learning.
And whatever you decide, just know that you don’t have to figure it all out overnight. Taking a step back and checking what support is already available might make all the difference.
If your great grandmothers care is now too much for your grandmother, then she'll have no choice but to place her in the appropriate facility. And if money is an issue she'll have to apply for Medicaid.
There are better solutions for your great grandmother than you giving up your life and schooling, and I hope and pray that your family will see that and not take advantage of you.
So stay right where you are and start applying for a new job, and best wishes in finishing your masters degree.
I just want to add that I was between jobs and came home "temporarily" to help my mom through a health crisis, although she recovered from her original difficulties it soon became clear that she shouldn't be alone any longer and my temporary stay turned into almost a decade of caregiving. And yes, after I crashed and burned caring for her she did spend her final 18 months in a nursing home.