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My mother is taking care of her partner of 17 years who is in the last 6 months (approx) of cancer. His children who live a state away are very hard on her. If she forgets to tell them about a doctors appointment or small fall they are quick to point it out. My Mother is 67, her partner is 71. She works full time, goes directly home and takes care of him. Most nights she is not sleeping enough due to his delusions (changing meds now) or restlessness. She takes him to every appointment, prepares the meals and tracks his medications, mood swings, and anything else that might come up. One of his daughters is controlling and sometimes cruel in the way she speaks to my Mom. Although they have been together 17 years, they are not married. My Mom is afraid they will move him over 3hrs away because she can't meet their expectations. Any advice?

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Does mom's partner want her to be POA and Medical Proxy? If so, that is a very easy step to take. It would also make clear to the daughters what his position is.
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Mom is not the POA or Medical Proxy. The papers were in place before they met. His youngest daughter (who is quick to point out mistakes) is listed on them both. Mom tries very hard to be compassionate of their feelings and knows that this is a very difficult time for them as well. We have all bounced around the idea of in home health aide - so far no action has been taken. I will talk to Mom about helping out with the go between communications. Thank you very much for the suggestion.
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Oops...have NO fear.
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P.s. Have to fear, those "kids" are not going to take dad to live with them! If they were...they would have offered to do so long before this.
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I would tell the adult children..."ok, kids, time to belly up to the responsibility", "time to kick in $2,000 a month each to provide for 8 hours a day in home health aide". "Your criticism is welcome with your check". "I'll be waiting for the mail from you". Then end the conversation.

I bet your mom doesn't hear another word.
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My heart goes out to your mom. I have seen this in my local support group, and it is extremely unfair and vicious.

Is your mother the DPOA and the Medical Proxy for her partner? If those documents are not in place and her partner is still able to understand the concept of having someone act on his behalf, I urge that he put them in place as soon as possible.

Married or not, if your mother has financial and medical POA authority, the children cannot take their father away.

This is a hard time for his children, too. They may not realize the harm they are doing. If it is possible to extend an olive branch and offer to take over the routine communication for your mother, that might be helpful.
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