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Is there anything I can do as power of attorney? My 73 year old father who recently went into remission for lung cancer lives in Pennsylvania with my sister and her 2 children. I am the power of attorney for my father. I live in Florida. My sister lives at the house with her 2 children absolutely free!!! She says she is there to "take care" of my father. Though he rarely sees her, usually only when she needs something. She is either upstairs "sleeping" or taking his vehicle to where ever she ventures off too for hours at a time. He lives on a limited income and unfortunately has many bills that need paid due to my mother's generosity with same sister. I have been told by a sibling as well as a neighboring relative that my sister and her teenage daughter have been having 3-4 friends over the house. I noticed in the past month that his electric bill has increased and he's food purchases have increased. She does not have a job. She collects welfare. She purchases food for her and her children at times, but does not contribute to the household food. They have been eating the food my father purchases at a rapid rate. He doesn't catch them doing it because they will not make meals until he is sleeping. They live a very nocturnal life! She continually uses his vehicle without his knowledge most of the time and he is the one who purchases the gas most of the time. $170 just in the month of June. I talk to my dad all the time about telling her NO. He says he tries, but she will yell and throw a tantrum when she doesn't get her way. Her daughter will do the same. He ends up giving in because he feels hounded and he just wants her to leave him alone. This is not right! I feel horrible just sitting back and letting it happen. I feel like they are mentally and emotionally abusing him. Is there something I can do?

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As others have stated, the only way to really know where the truth of the situation lies is by seeing what's going on for yourself. I kind of have a saying I picked up for situations like this - "There's two sides to every story and the truth generally lies somewhere in the middle". One thing I'll say regarding the teenager - don't be too hard on her, she's just doing what teenagers do and that includes having a pack mentality when it comes to friends. Yes, it would be great if she was more responsible in respecting your dads home, food, quiet time etc. but as with most teenagers, she will take as much slack as her mother will reel out. Try to keep an open mind when you go to visit in September but that doesn't mean that between now and then you can't be considering a new game plan regarding a budget for your father, how much and in what ways you expect your sister to contribute - and - if the current situation is proved to confirm the worst, what other options do you have for your father and his care. Personally, I like the idea of selling the house and getting your father into a retirement community with continuing care options. I'd be willing to bet that once your dad got into a nice Independent Living apartment, made a few friends and took advantage of amenities and activities- well, he might find a whole new way of life that he would enjoy - one that doesn't include a pack of teenagers and an adult daughter who appears to still have the maturity level of one.
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Does he wish for her and her children to move out, and get on with her life? Is he capable of living on his own? As the DIL of an 86 year olf FIL, who came to live with us 12 years ago, elderly people often complain, just to complain, because they have little else to talk about. Is your Dad involved, outside of the home? Does he got to the Senior center, have outside friends he visits? Does he have outside interests, gardening, clubs? A lady friend?
I definitely think it's time you went to visit, and establish some ground rules of exactly what he should be providing financially and some house rules, who and how many friends can come over, and at what time guests should leave by at night. Kitchen, food buying and cooking rules, meal times. It is his house, and he should set the rules! If she doesn't wish to abide by his house rules, then she and her kids should move, and then you should decide along with him, exactly what he wants to do, and where he might like to move to, arrange household help, and personal help, if he needs it. But be prepared to find that he is quite satisfied with the current arrangements, but with some slight changes to night time activity. He does need his sleep, and they need to be respectful of his home. I do see a mutual benifit of having her there, but not if she is truly ripping him off! You can speak with her without making it an attack, just have a conversation about what she thinks he needs, and impress upon her that she needs to be respectful of his desires! This can work, if she is honestly there to help him.
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If dad feels he doesn't need her help, he should start eviction proceedings.

But as Pam says, the truth may look different up close. Your dad may need more care than he perceives.
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Thanks for the responses. I do plan on taking a trip up there but cannot do so until September. I'm a mom of 3 kiddos 9, 6 and 1 so i have to take them into consideration with just jumping on a plane or in a car and running up there. We have discussed moving into a senior living facility before as well but he insists on staying in his home. I guess i have to pray that he and everyone else giving me information are just crazy.
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Pam, I didn't know you were a poet!
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Complaints from afar
Mean you get in your car
And see with your eyes
What is truth, what is lies.
You stay for a week
You listen, not speak.
She may not be so lazy,
And he might be half crazy.
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I imagine he is feeling very threatened at this time,,
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jds285, your Dad is around my age and since he is in remission maybe it is time for him to sell the house and move into a senior apartment complex. At a senior apartment complex he would be around people of his own age, and he would make new friends..... plus no more worry about maintaining a house or having a house full of people who think it is the Holiday Inn. He would be much happier and you would have less to worry about.
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Maybe you could take some time off work and go see whats up? FMLA would protect you and your job,, and maybe you could see if changes need to be made? If you are there, the "extra" people may go away.. and you could decide if he needs more care than sis and daughters can provide? Maybe AL and sister needs to get a life or a job?
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If she really is taking care of him, more power to her. A nursing home will cost you a lot more than $170 a month.
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