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Your worries may be overblown. My mom with mid-stage dementia lives in a nice memory care unit. Of course, she doesn't think she belongs there. In the community area of the unit, a poster advises residents they have a right to an ombudsman and/or an APS referral. Mom has her own phone which she struggles to use, but she did manage to call APS twice on me and the MC unit she lives in, plus an ombudsman.
Here's what happened: I wasn't advised of these referrals or when the resulting investigations would be conducted. Afterwards, I got phone calls from an ombudsman and 2 different APS personnel, all of whom were pleasant and courteous. During our phone interviews, I explained Mom's diagnosis and the testing her neurologist did to come to that conclusion plus the results of her neuropsych testing. I explained how the doctors decided a memory care unit was the best living arrangement for her. I described my role as her remote caretaker, how often I visited and took her on outings, how often the facility took her on outings, and how friends from church were given authority to pick Mom up weekly for church. Questions were asked, which I can't remember at this point, but I answered as accurately as I could.
One of the APS investigators said, "You know, your mom really has it in for you," and I responded by saying I was aware, but confident that Mom was cared for as well as could be. All 3 investigations arrived at the same conclusion: That Mom's surroundings were immaculate, she was well cared for, treated with dignity and compassion, and their own mental exams implied correct placement for Mom's stage of illness. All 3 closed their case, confident that all was well. All 3 were kind and supportive, furnishing their phone numbers if I had any concerns.
What I initially thought might be distressing turned out to be positive and reassuring! Be open and honest is the best possible recommendation I could make, and I expect APS will see through your mom's distortions and delusions.
This is hard, I know. Wishing you the best . ((((Hugs))))
Keep in mind too that APS is used to checking out complaints that turn out not to have any basis in fact. I'm sure they come across plenty of paranoid seniors who are having cognitive issues.
It may all work in your favor. They may agree that an AL would be a good place. You may end up finding about resources u can take advantage of. I would not get a lawyer involved unless charges are brought against you.
You can also call APS and report her as a vulnerable adult who is not acting in her best interests. I think this situation might be beyond your ability to manage.
After about day 3 of being home, the sitter called my sister crying and told my sister that my grandmother was raising H and demanding that she call APS and report my parents for abandonment! My sister paid her a visit and my grandmother denied doing that. My sister laid down the law.
These old folks can be so very narcissistic.
In 2015 I was awarded conservatorship over a relative with dementia. I was advised to keep detailed records, which I did. A requirement was that I set up a new bank account for her. The judge and the lawyer representing my aunt all strongly advised me to move her money FROM a well known bank (WF) she was using due to their bad reputation. She had substantial money there. I went to the bank to arrange movement of her funds. I had all the appropriate paperwork. They REFUSED to do it, gave me grief, etc. Oh, they demanded THREE forms of ID! One of the ID I presented was a Conceal Carry permit and the guy FREAKED OUT and wanted to know if I had a gun in the bank!
My elderly father was her POA before I was awarded guardianship. He lives an hour from the nearest branch of this bank and they demanded he come there and sign over the account. I had to meet him there. We had an appointment and they dragged out our visit to over THREE HOURS! He and I both let them know what we thought of their behavior.
A few days later, APS showed up at my father's house demanding to see ME! (I have not lived there in 32 years. This bank had called them and reported me for financial exploitation of an elderly person! The caseworker talked extensively to my father. She then drove 1.5 hours to the NH where my aunt was living and interviewed a number of people there who saw me visit daily and had gotten to know me. She contacted me and demanded records. I gave her a detailed spreadsheet of every penny spent. The investigation came to a halt.
Sorry for the long rant! Moral of the story, you don't know who called APS or why, but there is usually money involved and an ax to grind.
Have you asked her why she called APS? How do you know what it was she who called APS?
Cooperate fully. Consider placement if this is going to be an ongoing problem.
My MIL did not live with us, but when my DH would visit, he would suggest strongly that she try to stop smoking, as she had COPD. She told him that he was being abusive and that she was going to call APS. He walked out and never spoke to her again, except that I dragged him to see her on her deathbed.
Actions have consequences.
What did mom accuse you of? I have been there, investigated by APS for financial exploitation (accused by twisted sissies one of them knew nothing like that was going on, she held the purse strings), none was occurring and APS closed the case quite quickly, a few months, they have better things to do than investigate false reports.
Does mom have dementia? Does she have a diagnosis?
Your profile says that you are caring for your mom and dad. Has she accused him of anything too? What does he think about her accusations?
I would be very annoyed if she doesn’t have some sort of medical situation that explains her accusations and I don’t think I would want her living in my home.
Do you think she has a UTI? Something is off or she is being cruel.
How old are your parents?
Do you live with your parents in their house or yours or in an apartment?
Do either of them have dementia (diagnosed by doc) or symptoms (not yet diagnosed)?
Do you or anyone else have PoA for one or both of them?
Do you or anyone else know what their financial means are? This will determine if they need to apply for Medicaid.
I'm sure many seniors make reports to APS and they will probably know which ones are legitimate concern and which aren't. If they start looking at your case with too much interest, you may need to call an attorney. I'm so sorry for this situation...you're not alone. If your parents don't grant anyone PoA for themselves you may need to pursue guardianship (if you want it but consider this very carefully) or the county can gain guardianship. Wishing you peace in your heart as you navigate the coming years with your parents!