Several posts have suggestions regarding having adult protective services visit a loved one. Who's done this?

You can call your local agency, and ask them what their protocols are, without actually initiating an inquiry. You can tell them straight out that you want to inform yourself how it works and NOT give your name or your mother's name. It will help you feel more informed, and ready for when it's necessary and potentially helpful. RIght now it sounds more like your mom is in a phase where she's resisting transitioning to more help. APS won't come in and fix that until the need is so severe that she loses all autonomy. In other words, when she needs it that badly she may also be past resisting, but while she's busy resisting and essentially functional (in the most basic ways) nobody can really successfully push her. By the way "resisting" is a negative way to put it. She's fighting for her life, her autonomy, her independence. You gotta understand and even admire that, even while it creates other problems.

If she is competent and is taking care of her own needs you can't force her to do anything. I would be careful with this one, social workers can turn the tables on you in a heart beat, once you are in the system you will be monitored for your motives and potential abuses. You can always do research about this and I am sure it will be laid out for you to see and read.

I have had experience with APS in Texas regarding my father. He is 74 and was resistant to leaving his home. He wound up in diabetic shock as he didn't take his insulin. He fell repeatedly because every time he stood up, he was dizzy. Family that lived nearby kept asking if he wanted to go to the hospital. Of course, he said no. I finally intervened and told them to take him anyway. His blood sugar was +700 !!

I was repeatedly told by others that unless HE wanted to be in a NH that I could not make him go and he was free to leave if he wanted at any time. I had drs telling me he couldn't be alone and we could not afford anyone to come in home. I even had a nurse at a behavioral health wing of the hospital tell me this: people think you can just drop someone off at a nursing home but this simply isn't true. The law states that you cannot force someone to go into a nursing home or AL. I was so frustrated because my father was resistant to even being in the hospital even though he was bruised all over his body from falling and trying to get himself up. He had scrapes and carpet burns. My saving grace was adult protective services whom someone had called anonymously (most likely one of his doctors). They called me and said that he could no longer be allowed to live alone and needed to have his meds given each day. They left it up to me as to how to do that but they made it clear that if I did not take care of him that I would be considered to be committing elder abuse and would be liable. APS had my father evaluated by the drs on staff at the behavioral health center and declared him incompetent. This then put him under my authority because of the medical POA. I was able to place him in a NH near me. He continually asks to leave but I don't have to worry that he is lying around on the floor anymore- YAY! The nurse that kept telling me that didn't say much after that. APS were the ones that stepped in and saved the day. If this hadn't happened I was looking a costly competency hearing with lawyers fees etc. I did not get DPOA until later after he got into the NH. I was so grateful for APS but that is because they assisted me in something I was already trying to do. If you aren't prepared for that it could turn out differently because they would force you to do something you hadn't planned on but for me they were an answer to prayer. hope this helps. best of luck to you.

Before calling them in I would ask around and see if they are any good. I posed this question before and it seemed that people has a wide range of experiences. I called them in for my aunt and it has been a fiasco. They violated my request for anonymity and have given my aunt a cursory evaluation of mental competancen whch she passed. am sure the next day she will forget it even happened. End result is she is not speaking to me and has legally removed me from all her legal documents so I have no idea what is going on. I have heard of other agencies that did a really good job so I think it really depends on where you live.

My mother in law put herself in a nursing home, knowing she needed help and her husband could not help her. She is 88 his is 96. He stayed home alone for a week. I would go to their home and fix him meals, as he could not swallow. He had to have everything ground up. Long story short, my mother in law was worried about him, and asked the social workers to check on him. When they came to the home, he was cordial, and said he was fine, no need to look in on him. I was in the kitchen while this conversation took place. Then they wanted to see something or other, he had to go to his bedroom to get it. In his rush to get the item requested, he fell. And the social workers told him, by law, they could not let him get up or help him. They called 911, he was transported to the hospital, and then admitted to the same nursing home as his wife. This was September 2012. And we lived in Maryland.

Yes, I think dealings with APS are the proverbial double edged sword. It can be good and helpful...or catastrophic and traumatic.

Good advice given already. Get your ducks in a row for sure. Read up on your area's APS website about what they look for and what constitutes elder abuse. Elder abuse is what they are intended to focus on and while this involves a patient's safety, the investigation is centered upon both the elder and their caregiver(s).

And if you do decide to call in anonymously but are the primary caregiver, be very aware that YOU will be under very close scrutiny thereafter.

I am going through this right now and I'll give details shortly, Right now my step daughter from my first marriage is on her way over to help me change my mom. She just became an RN, too, and we are still close and good friends. I am grateful for her help!

But one more thing to add right now: it depends a lot on the caseworker assigned, I think, as to how much help or interference or even misinterpretation you have in dealings with APS. Don't think of them as an ally, though, unless they become that on their own. Otherwise, regard them warily as they are looking for any sign that the elder is being abused or neglected which implicates the caregiver.

Instead of getting APS involved call your Office of the ageing or socoal services and tell them what is going on with the elder and see what they say and ask how they can help-in our county we have a ARE YOU OK program an elder living alone get a phone call at the time they wish and if they do not answer the phone there is a proceedure put in place for someone to go to their home and check-the elders who are transported to our senior center by bus have submitted a contact person who is called if the elder does not come out of the house to get on the bus-lives have been saved one man fell in his bathtub and another lady fell and in both cases the bus drivers saved their lives.

My attorney suggested we call IHSS in California to do an independent evaluation. I have been reported to Adult Protective Services three times (twice by my brother, who never does anything with our Mom or for her). I was a nervous wreck when he did it because he was trying to get back at me. The other times (and even the last), I've found Adult Protective Services case workers to be very compassionate, and they have even given me written information to assist me with some things. Tell them your Mom is refusing assistance and you are very worried about her. There is also the Council on Aging, who also can help you. Good luck. I know first-hand how difficult this all is. But you've got to put your foot down with your Mom. She is unwilling to accept help. That is on her, not you.

Ferris, no I haven't been successful getting drs to officially declare her incompetent even though they have written that she needs assistance. The one behavioral center psychiatrist said she needed 24/7 care but wouldn't back up with formal declaration of incompetence which I needed to invoke the DPOA.

All in all amazingly she is mostly good and managing. IMO it could be better and I would love her to have better quality of life, but she insists she likes things they way they are and adamantly tells me to stay out of her business. She writes checks and basically appears to manage her affairs. Sometimes she is crazy talk on the phone or when I visit and that is when I panic and want to call APS. Her primary care physician sympathizes with me but says at this point we have to wait til next imminent event health, police, or otherwise and he will write letter then. So at this point I sit tight.

I always envisioned APS as being a help and I think they are for some cases, especially for children...but not so much for elderly unless there is abuse, or blatant disorder in the living conditions.

So I remind myself that I am respecting her rights even if it is not "my way". PS I live 6 hrs away and work full time in a travel job. My sib has chosen to be out of the picture though he emotionally supports me and is a loving brother. He advises against APS.

Sunflo2-Then all you can do is wait...I suggest you take a different path, and encourage your mother to live alone, tell her you will be busy with your travelling job and she has to manage on her own. She might be like my cat. Won't come inside at night at my urging, but will come in on her own...Best wishes.