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Has any one else gone through this? what can I expect?

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Yes, kind of. I moved my parents out of their home because it was apart around them and they were both falling all the time. The house smelled with urine because my father was incontinent but they didn't even have the sense to start buying depends and my mother self medicated around the clock.

It was good that you called human services but what I found was you have to be ON them to make anything happen.Do you have any siblings that can help? Are POA? Is dementia an issue here?

Tell us more....

-SS
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ladybug, I have not gone through this - just wanted to say I think it is brave of you to take this step! is your home open to them or is that not an option? Just wondering. Please let us know how this goes as there are a few of us on here that may need to be making that hard step.

Blessings to you and yours!!!
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My mom was all alone dementia and the caseworker was useless. My mom was 108 pounds down to 73.Her house dirty walking all over town in the street not knowing where she was. The police had to bring her home so as soon as the police did this we had him write a report on the caseworker. She ended up at the hospital until a room was ready at the nursing home. She now has a guardian that takes care of her needs. I am in another state and my sister was cleaning out her money and letting her starve. We found out the caseworker was fired . The police had to get involved before my mom got help. She is in the nursing home where she is safe
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In our case a neighbor call protective services on my mom (who was living with my brother). She was wandering and he couldn't control her. Protective services was basically useless, other than calling me at work on a daily basis. We tried bringing in a caregiver but my mom wouldn't pay any attention to her either. In the end, the police were called and my mother was taken to the psych ward until we could set her up at an assisted living/dementia unit. It was a tough process to go through and I wish we had known how to get her placed without going through all this but we couldn't get authorization to make decisions for her until the police got involved. We even tried seeing a doctor to have her declared incompetent but he wouldn't make the determination. There is a lot of great legislation to protect your parents rights but few processes for dealing with the time when they can not care for themselves and are unable to make decisions. Mom is now in a very good memory care program close to me BUT I can't say she is happy with the situation. At some point you have to accept that you can create safety but not happiness. Good luck.
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I also have parents in the same situation. they both are unsteady on thier feet and refuse to move out of the house. they are constantly expecting everyone to take care of them and the house. this house also smells terrible. dad is losing bladder control and wets himself constantly. all four of us have tried to get them into a assisted living facility, but they refuse to go. Mom has cataracts, hearing loss, fluid in her legs and ankles and a cyst on top of her head the size of a golf ball. she refuses to do anything about any of this. dad has been in and out of the hospital with bladder infections and really should be wearing depends but won't. I wish I had the guts to call someone in to take them out of there. I give you high marks for taking that large step. I would help them get into a assisted living facility and once they realize that they are safer there than in thier home, they will hopefully forgive you. Bless you for taking such good care of your parents
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I think we might organize to try and make this situation better before more potential caregivers face this lack of good solutions and services. Let's start at the county level and move up to the state house.
Please send info on good service to elders and those who care. Thanks
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My Mom was left alone after my Dad was put in a home. She was taken advantage of by a friend. Hundreds of dollars,if not more,were given to this person. I should never have left her alone in the house. But hindsight is 20/20. So in my opinion,if you thought this was the best for their health and safety,then you did good.
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They are very ill, mom on dialysis, dad with congestive heart failure, they are both diabetic and both have vision problems. Dad is incontinent and is always wet. I dont think he can change himself. Mom has some dementia. my morbidly obese sister moved in with them and she is diabetic (uncontrolled), cant bathe and is incontinent. She is also a hoarder, keeping piles of food gargage in her room. Ive begged, pleaded, detatched nad finally was advised by everyone i consulted to call APS and let them know about the situation. they fall often and mom has started several fires. I can no longer visit because my sister gets violently angry. So does my dad. I cant afford to get an attorney. Wil they make them move to nursing home? What about my adult (54) sister? Will they place her in a home?
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Ladybug - first an investigation will be launched and your name will remain anonymous (always). If the caseworker thinks they are a danger to themselves then she can file with your attorney general to put into place a hearing so that professionals can examine them and make a determination about their whereabouts. Good luck!
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Unfortunately it is not against the law to live in filth. I don't know if APS will do anything at all. Most likely they will get an order that they need to clean up the property. If they are a danger to themselves they can get a psychiatric hold but that is difficult to do if they do not want to change.
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Maybe work with someone from legal aide for seniors, or someone who can have some authority or pull with your parents to tell them that it really is a good idea to have you helping them rather than having the authorities step in? Pastor, Doctor, whatever? If enough other people get involved it isn't just a battle of the wills with you "trying to tell them what to do" or "take away their indepencence". I made the mistake of NOT pushing enough, & it was a disaster (professional conservator=NIGHTMARE)
Sometimes it takes multiple APS visits to get something to happen. People fight fiercely for their independence, put on a good front, & tap-dance like crazy & come up with every unlikely excuse about why it isn't a problem that there are burn marks & urine everywhere, how everything is fine, you are over-reacting, they have ALWAYS done things this way, you are just after their money, it is none of your business etc. etc. etc.
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I'd like to ask; what is the point when a parent should be forced to leave their home?
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A psychiatric hold for at least 72 hrs. can be made if patients are a danger to themselves or others. The patient has nothing to say about it. It is the determination of the medical professional and court to decide whether or not the patient(s) need care. If they do not want nursing home care, then compromise with them and suggest caregivers come to their home. It is difficult to answer this question without knowing what medical diagnoses they have that puts them in danger of staying home. Also, it is against the law to live in filth. Watch some of the "hoarders" shows and the fire marshall or county health department can issue an order to have the property cleaned up.
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Anybody from Nebraska, especially Douglas County, do this? Need to know in case I end up in hospital myself so they don't end up fending for themselves.
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The local Board of Health might not agree that it is not against the law to live in filth. Many a filthy home has been condemned or threatened to be condemned if not cleaned up if it is a health hazard.
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It is not against the law to live in filth. It is against the law to live in a fire hazard. They would probably get a certain amount of time, possibly 30 days to come into compliance with fire codes - not with what other standards of cleanliness are.
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Ferris, this sounds like what that nurse told me. But once APS was involved, there was no talk of what my dad wanted any longer. It's a ridiculous conversation to have when elders are starting fires but the burden seems to be on the sister. If she isn't making the right decisions then she needs to be removed and let APS force the Drs to make a competency evaluation. This makes all the difference. If there is confusion and signs of dementia they will make the call if they are worth a damn.
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You definately have to be persistant in calling and calling and calling. This is part of building a case.
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Hope you don't live in PA i'm 99.9 % sure nothing will happen with APS....LOL last guy we had show up for the 15 page report or questions looked like he just left the local tavern...haha good luck you'll need it dealing with aps
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My parents refuse to tell me what DHR said, though I do know they told my sister she had to take a class to help with her clutter problem and follow up with a counselor. But absolutely no feed back about Dad's incontinence, the smell of the house, or my mom's inability to sit up in her power chair.
How can I obtain information about the DHR visit?
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unless you are POA I bet they won't tell you anything. IDK but I'm just guessing.
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This is the state code in MA
An occupant exclusively occupying or using any part of the dwelling is responsible for maintaining it free from garbage and filth. [410.602(B)]

The owner of any dwelling must keep any part of the dwelling which is used in common by all occupants free from garbage and filth. [410.602(D)]
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Thanks for all you answers! Helps to know others are traveling the same road.
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It would be nice if your mom and dad could both be placed in the same nursing home together and share a room. I use to do hair in nursing homes...and a couple times I saw married couples who had their own rooms together. It would give you a little more comfort knowing that they were together.

I would call social services...especially since fires were started...it's such a hard decision.

We are in California and we found an in home residential care for Grams last year....a home that is turned into a facility for elderly/disabled. ....it was better than a nursing home..the cost was $3000 a month for the room, board and care...too expensive for some...I wonder if there is any gov help for that type of living care? Grams inhome care insurance helped pay for it. I hear it's hard to buy that type of insurance now.

As far as your sister, maybe social service will get her the medical treatment she needs. maybe put her in hospital and on medifast....or something...maybe surgery....
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My grandmother had to write up legal papers and take them to the court and get POA to put her mom in a home. Her mother started a fire and burned up half her hair...her mom had dementia...Gram took care of her for two weeks. In week one of caring for her mother she realized she couldn't do it fulltime and she began getting the legal paperwork into action...and put her mom into a home.
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Our North Carolina County Adult Protective Services did an EXCELLENT job! They received several reports from the banks, the stores, and by mandatory reporters at the Nursing Home where she wandered out to visit her mother who had been dead since 82.

APS first called us in June, and described her living conditions - hoarding - which was nothing new. I explained that was her normal state of being, and that there was nothing I could do to stop her.

They followed up, visiting her home with 2 social workers and one from the health dept. They were able to have her consent to going to a dr for the first time in 15 years. The doc assumed she was homeless/ medicare, called me to confirm "her story", and then did not bother to return the calls from APS as to her blood test results. APS called us a week later, as did the police, and 4 weeks from our initial contact with APS, we had her in a new doc's office, had an emergency guardianship issued, and we drove her to her new home at a memory care facility in our state 5 hours away.

APS was a delight to work with, and they really cared. They were left out of the judicial process by the opposing attorney, but the Lord had us cross paths TWICE before two different hearings I assumed they knew about, since they were supposed to give reports, and they showed up with complete reports both times, having worked overnight to complete the work.

Way to go NC APS!!
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My older sister is not well with CPOD her Husband is very lazy and dosen't give her enough care and when she asks for help he shouts had her so she ask him less and less , she has a son of 55 who is mentally challenged her son and husband don't get on he was being cared for by my sister until she went of her feet our dilemia is how can we get her son into a home which would be right for him because the dr said because he say yes and no in the correct way but he has started urinating and poohing himself my sister can' t make him keep himself clean and she is unable to climb stairs and there is feaces every where I don't think his basic needs are being meet he 's now refushing to eat and putting it in the bin when he is been given food he is a diabetic and I am afraid that both him and my sister are not being given addiquit care and my newphew needs to be mentally assessed and Ithink he would flourish with the correct care x
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You may want to contact a professional guardian to help you through all of this.
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