My mother and I always lived with her parents growing up. She has worked on and off at best through out life. She currently has not worked for 7 plus years. She is epileptic and uses that as an excuse. My mother has lived there her entire life. I moved out officially at 22. 3 Years ago my grandmother passed away and left the house to me knowing my mother could not take care of it. My husband and I had to pay off a lot of debt on the house including the state since my mother has been on one form of assistance in some way for the majority of her life. If we did not pay them they would not release the house to us. We even had a lawyer ( i don't get it....moving on) She has not worked in years and has barely if ever given anything towards cost of living etc. My husband and i moved into the house to take over. Initially before my grandmother passed away our plan was to put an addition on so everyone could have their space. A LOT more bills popped up including having to pay off major liens that my mother bulled my grandmother into racking up and a HUGE bill from the state so they would allow the house to be signed over. Therefore it has drained our account and we are now not in a position to be able to an addition. My mother doesn't do anything around the house except wash dishes, she pays absolutely nothing. She also hunkers down in our living confining me,my husband and 2 small children to our bedrooms. Her room is in the basement and she has let it get filthy. She sits in our living room and watches tv from noon until midnight. We are at our wits end. I can't take it anymore. We need our space and privacy to be our own family. I love her because she is my mother and has nothing and no one that i could forsee taking her in. She thinks the world owes her and that i should support her. I have tried helping her several times applying for everything that could be for her and she doesn't follow through or respond back to the agencies. I don't want her to be homeless and not see her grandchildren ( that would hurt them too) I am absolutely out of ideas. PLEASE HELP :(
Has she been checked for cognitive decline or some other illness? Can you talk to her doctor? Have you ruled out other medical problems?
Is she receiving disability payments? Is she on Medicare health coverage? I'd take this into consideration. If she needs health coverage and income money, I'd consult with an attorney to see how to get her both. That might enable her to be able to afford to cover her own care living elsewhere and out of your home.
You can try giving her rules of the house, ultimatum, etc. but, I don't have much faith in those things. Rarely, do people change dramatically if it's something they really don't want to do and have no real incentive.
The thing with depression is that if a person refuses to accept treatment, your options are limited. You can''t force them to take mediation or go to therapy. Does she do both? But, if she's ruining your peace of mind, I'd consult with an attorney myself to get information on how to have her legally evicted. Sounds harsh, but, I don't know any other way to legally have her leave, if she refuses.
If her doctor says that she needs it, perhaps, they could find a group home or some kind of AL for her. Some states pay for AL if the applicant meets income/asset requirements and is disabled. I'd check that out.
It seems a shame to spend all that money and not be able to enjoy your home. I hope you can find some solutions.
How old is your mother?
The attorney needs to help you sort out what happened with transferring the deed to you all, and particularly the liens. The attorney will be able to tell you if you actually can evict her since you don't have a lease from her. I totally agree that you need to use legal means to remove her from your house.
If the loans which attached to the house had your mother's name on them at all, I suspect that you might be able to sue her for the balance. Blood from a turnip, etc, but it might be motivational for her.
Eviction and suits assume that you are good with setting boundaries with mom. She's not going to move without you pushing her out the door no matter what. Therapy to deal with a bad childhood helps - the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend is a good starter book. It is so hard - my hubby and I had lots of therapy, but we still hated to tell our 20some son and his family that it was time for them to move to their new house.
And if EVER your mom threatens suicide, you call 911 and get her taken to ER for a full psych eval. In the meantime, you move her stuff and change the locks. Ask your attorney at the first meeting if this is legal where you live.
A couple of days before you have to vacate the house simply move mom to her new place. I don't know if contacting adult protective services . of course you will feel quilty but it won't be half as bad as dealing with a divorce when your hubby can't stand it any more and leaves.
I can tell you this, if no discussion has taken place, then like most men would, he would first be heartbroken over you getting used, but if not resolved, he would begin to feel abandoned by you to another woman-your mom. I hope this is not the case.