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My mother and I always lived with her parents growing up. She has worked on and off at best through out life. She currently has not worked for 7 plus years. She is epileptic and uses that as an excuse. My mother has lived there her entire life. I moved out officially at 22. 3 Years ago my grandmother passed away and left the house to me knowing my mother could not take care of it. My husband and I had to pay off a lot of debt on the house including the state since my mother has been on one form of assistance in some way for the majority of her life. If we did not pay them they would not release the house to us. We even had a lawyer ( i don't get it....moving on) She has not worked in years and has barely if ever given anything towards cost of living etc. My husband and i moved into the house to take over. Initially before my grandmother passed away our plan was to put an addition on so everyone could have their space. A LOT more bills popped up including having to pay off major liens that my mother bulled my grandmother into racking up and a HUGE bill from the state so they would allow the house to be signed over. Therefore it has drained our account and we are now not in a position to be able to an addition. My mother doesn't do anything around the house except wash dishes, she pays absolutely nothing. She also hunkers down in our living confining me,my husband and 2 small children to our bedrooms. Her room is in the basement and she has let it get filthy. She sits in our living room and watches tv from noon until midnight. We are at our wits end. I can't take it anymore. We need our space and privacy to be our own family. I love her because she is my mother and has nothing and no one that i could forsee taking her in. She thinks the world owes her and that i should support her. I have tried helping her several times applying for everything that could be for her and she doesn't follow through or respond back to the agencies. I don't want her to be homeless and not see her grandchildren ( that would hurt them too) I am absolutely out of ideas. PLEASE HELP :(

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How does your husband feel about you getting used? What does he think about it? Have you had an honest, heart to heart discussion about this? What ideas does he have about dealing with this?

I can tell you this, if no discussion has taken place, then like most men would, he would first be heartbroken over you getting used, but if not resolved, he would begin to feel abandoned by you to another woman-your mom. I hope this is not the case.
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Have you considered selling the house and moving? Find mom an apartment and pay a couple of months rent. It will be cheap at the price.
A couple of days before you have to vacate the house simply move mom to her new place. I don't know if contacting adult protective services . of course you will feel quilty but it won't be half as bad as dealing with a divorce when your hubby can't stand it any more and leaves.
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.I'd start by finding a good attorney that other professionals trust. Call a CPA firm and tell the person who answers the phone that you need an attorney referral to someone they work with about elders and government aid. That once you get that started you will be giving them a call (because you probably will need them).

The attorney needs to help you sort out what happened with transferring the deed to you all, and particularly the liens. The attorney will be able to tell you if you actually can evict her since you don't have a lease from her. I totally agree that you need to use legal means to remove her from your house.

If the loans which attached to the house had your mother's name on them at all, I suspect that you might be able to sue her for the balance. Blood from a turnip, etc, but it might be motivational for her.

Eviction and suits assume that you are good with setting boundaries with mom. She's not going to move without you pushing her out the door no matter what. Therapy to deal with a bad childhood helps - the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend is a good starter book. It is so hard - my hubby and I had lots of therapy, but we still hated to tell our 20some son and his family that it was time for them to move to their new house.

And if EVER your mom threatens suicide, you call 911 and get her taken to ER for a full psych eval. In the meantime, you move her stuff and change the locks. Ask your attorney at the first meeting if this is legal where you live.
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Start the eviction process. She will not change - why should she when she has you to support her? Involve a social worker to help her find work and a place to live that is pegged to her income. But as long as she is in your house, she will be a parasite.
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If your mom has let her bedroom in the basement get filthy and all she does is watch TV from noon to midnight with no regards for you or your family, something else is going on. That is not functioning normally. She needs an evaluation and you need a lawyer. I am sure you love your mom, but that doesn't mean she can squeeze the life out of you. My gosh, I'm 55 and wouldn't consider living like that.
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She sounds like a very smart, manipulative, and selfish person who is living by leaching off your good heartedness at your expense. She's three years younger than I am and thus young enough to work. I think I'd tell her if she is going to keep living here that she must at least find a part time job. That will get her out of the house some. There has to be some way to stop enabling her behavior and save yourself plus your family.
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She is 56. I doubt if she'll stay more or less confined to the basement. She won't accept responsibility for the conditions that she has allowed "her space" to become. Almost like if i take any legal action she'll try to use it against me. Also you can hear a sneeze through the floor so it doesn't stop her from running upstairs the second she hears something she feels the need to get involved with.
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From what I have heard, you really need an attorney in order to get Disability benefits. There are appeals and it's not simple. But, if she refuses to participate, I'm not sure how much more you can do. It's tough situation.
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Put a TV in the basement and let her watch it from down there where her living area is.

How old is your mother?
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She isn't on disability. She has applied 3 times, most recently last year but let it fall through as she stopped responding back to them. She is on medicaid for insurance. She used to have really bad depression but has greatly improved the past couple of years to where she functions normally. She does not really have any other mental issues, she is completely there.
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Your profile says that your mother suffers from depression. And she has seizures too?

Has she been checked for cognitive decline or some other illness? Can you talk to her doctor? Have you ruled out other medical problems?

Is she receiving disability payments? Is she on Medicare health coverage? I'd take this into consideration. If she needs health coverage and income money, I'd consult with an attorney to see how to get her both. That might enable her to be able to afford to cover her own care living elsewhere and out of your home.

You can try giving her rules of the house, ultimatum, etc. but, I don't have much faith in those things. Rarely, do people change dramatically if it's something they really don't want to do and have no real incentive.

The thing with depression is that if a person refuses to accept treatment, your options are limited. You can''t force them to take mediation or go to therapy. Does she do both? But, if she's ruining your peace of mind, I'd consult with an attorney myself to get information on how to have her legally evicted. Sounds harsh, but, I don't know any other way to legally have her leave, if she refuses.

If her doctor says that she needs it, perhaps, they could find a group home or some kind of AL for her. Some states pay for AL if the applicant meets income/asset requirements and is disabled. I'd check that out.

It seems a shame to spend all that money and not be able to enjoy your home. I hope you can find some solutions.
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