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Who rarely visited or kept in touch for 8 yrs known. Mature professional caregiver, close friend of family over 20 yrs, cared for this 96 yr old for 8 yrs in her home, until her demise. The grandkids resent she refers to this lady as an aunt, even knowing this was preferred by this client. This caregiver was appreciated by the client's niece and daughter. It is a sudden dislike by 2 granddaughters for her to address her by aunt. Who is right, who is wrong?

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Why does it matter? Are you still trying to keep ties to the family?
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Yes, her dtr and I are cousins and the aide is my best friend and adopted family member. The granddtrs live in other states, rarely kept in touch when she was living and my cousin is siding with her kids. I felt it's an immature perhaps guilty reaction from these kids, so we chose to overlook it to keep peace. Thanks for your reply. It doesn't matter.
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I'm sure it doesn't matter and I'm glad that you are all overlooking it. But are they "insisting" on not calling her Aunt, or are they just not calling her Aunt? My nieces and nephews all stopped calling me Aunt Barbara and now just call me Barbara. I didn't ask them to drop the Aunt; they just did.
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What does "adopted family member" mean? Was she literally adopted into the family? Or is she "a close friend of family"? Or are you talking about 2 different people?

Oh, I am so confused.

Different families have different traditions and attitudes towards titles. The first time I met my grandson's girlfriend she called me "Gramma." (They were not engaged and the relationship was fairly new at that time.) His sisters thought that was presumptuous. I took it in stride.

I guess my confusion about the situation extends to the question itself. Why does this matter? And if the grandkids weren't around their grandmother much, surely they are not around this family-friend/adopted family member much. How do they even know how she refers to her late friend?
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It is "Aunt Peggy" the client that is deceased now, ( 96 yr old) and it is my best friend, her caregiver the granddtrs are speaking out abot. The 2 other grddtrs have no problem with it, and they were closer to her. I'm sorry for tne confusion- Thank you for your comments.
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The grandkids sound very immature, such a foolish thing to get in a snit about, especially after the "aunt" in question has died. I expect they have a problem with the caregiver and are trying to exclude her. I know lots of people who have honorary "Aunties", I even have friends who have an honorary 2nd "mom". I would just stay out of the middle of this conflict, when the grandkids have their little hissy fits don't rise to the bait.
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No one can control what others say, whether it's kind, unkind, accurate or just plain lies.

What I don't understand is that if the woman in question is now dead, why are you still in contact with the family? It doesn't sound as if there are good relations here.

And like Jeanne, I'm not entirely clear on the relationship or as written, why these people are still in your life and upset is occurring. I'd say "sayonara" and move on. There's nothing you can change, and whether something is right or wrong is a matter of opinion.

In the long run, in a world of war, bombings, a nutcase running for president - there are far more important things to occupy your attention.

Take comfort in the fact that your friend provided much needed care, but that chapter of hers and your life is closed and you CAN move on.
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