Mom is 85, can't do a thing for herself, and refuses to leave her home. I have taken over her household to maintain her ability of living in her own home. I do not care for her 24/7, but visit weekly or at least every other week. I found an ANGEL private caretaker who basically works almost 7 days a week, 8 hours a day, doing everything for my mother. My mother is "healthy" but has severe pain in her musculo-skeletal system, severe scoliosis, torn rotators' cuffs, arthritis. She is a widow since 2012.
My mother is not a sweet, little old lady. She is stubborn, petulant, pouty, senile, and of late, very, very nasty. It's like she's lost her "filter" and thinks she can say whatever she wants. The person receiving the brunt of this is her caretaker, who is an angel from heaven, but who also happens to be sensitive in nature.
I try to keep the caretaker happy. I like her a lot and know I would never find another person to slave away for mom the way she does (strong work ethic). She has her own hard life and problems, and I'd love to pay her more, but I have to watch the funds. So I bring her little gifts and thank her profusely for all she does.
I want to scold my mother for her horrible behavior. Her excuse is she is in pain all the time, but I do not think that gives one a license to verbally abuse those around you. Where have her manners gone?
When my mother demanded something of her caretakerin in front of me, I stopped and looked her right in the eye and asked her, "What happened to 'please'?"
Do I try to have a conversation with my mother about this? With her senility, I think she will only forget whatever I say. Several months ago she was criticizing me for not being a good enough daughter, and I stopped her and reminded her of all I've taken over for her benefit plus running my own life/household! She apologized and said she doesn't know why she says the things she does to me.
Why do the elderly get this way? It is very upsetting. Any advice?