I failed to give all of the details and I realize that I should have. My mom is 92, we lost my dad 7 years ago and she never went to grief counseling. My younger brother took over bringing her from her home in Florida to his home in Nevada. She didn't get along well with my sister-in-law and complained constantly to my sister and I, so we talked her into moving to Arizona near us. She purchased a small home two blocks from me (a 4-minute walk from my house). Within the three years she has lived here her memory has gotten worse. She is now moving her things around (money, jewelry, clothing, etc.) and not remembering where she puts them when she is done with them. She blames me for either moving them to another place or taking them from her because I want her to believe she is crazy so that I can "put her away." Nothing I do can convince her it isn't me. How can we get her to go to the doctor and get tested so that we know exactly what might be wrong and how we can help her? I had the doctor's staff call her to set up a visit for a physical so that he could suggest testing for dementia, she canceled the appointment. She is now blaming myself, my sister and two brothers for plotting against her, we can't seem to get through to her. It is very disconcerting.
She refuses any kind of outside help right now and I am having a hard time trying to get her tested so that we might be able to help by knowing what we are dealing with. I guess you just take each day as it comes.
You mention getting her tested. We never got my dad tested, and at times I wished we had.
My dad's neurologist prescribed Seroquel, and that made a huge difference in his agitation. He was more settled. He was also given an as needed anti-anxiety, which helped immensely.
(His pcp put him on Memantine which did nothing, then we switched full time to a neurologist.)
Soon I started to forget about getting a specific diagnosis. I found that my dad's dementia symptoms overlapped with a few--Parkinson's dementia, Lewy Body, etc. I couldn't pinpoint it myself, but it did give me an idea of what to look out for, what to prepare for, and to let go of sticking to one specific type because his seemed to cover a few, not just one.
Then I felt that the neurologist wasn't fully focusing on my dad's dementia, if that makes sense. I was about to switch to a geriatrican, but at the time, my mom qualified for hospice, and the nurse evaluating her said my dad qualified also. So no more doctor's visits, everything was done in their home.
It is an often bumpy road, this dementia. Potholes and cracks and uneven asphalt. I hope you can find some peace and some answers.