My Grandma is 71 this Oct. and has been in an assisted living home for about 5+ years. She had a brain aneurism followed by 2 strokes in 2001 and her cognitive health has never been the same.
She has smoked cigarettes' for many years as well as weed. She still does, however, our family can only afford to buy her 1 pack a day at the most. When she does not get that pack or decides she wants more, she has been stealing from other residents of the home. This has been happening for about 6-8 months now. (2020 pandemic) Recently, it has gotten worse and now the other residents are threatening to call the authorities. When confronted, my Grandma said that she NEEDS two packs a day or she will kill herself. Suicide is very serious and my family is really scared and not sure what to do. We have very limited money and my aunt and I are the only ones close by.
I don't even know where to start, or who to go, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
It's very easy to do. You just buy the cigarette tubes they come 200 in a box like a cartoon of cigarettes. (they have the filters already on them and they look like an empty cigarette), put them on the machine and add the tobacco that you buy by the bag.
I did this for years when I smoked. In my state a pack of Marlboro or Newport is about $12. Rolling your own is about $2 a pack. Big difference.
If your grandmother can't manage to roll her own then do it for her. Make her a few cartons a week.
I'm guessing you weren't a smoker. If you were then you know what it's like to be addicted to cigarettes and when there aren't enough or they run out. If you weren't, then you have no idea how the smoker suffers emotionally and psychologically when they don't get what they need. It's not a UTI. It's not dementia. She doesn't need a neuro-psych evaluation. She needs to have enough cigarettes.
I smoked for 35 years. I know the anxiety, panic, and even depression that comes with running out of smokes or not having enough.
They have to make sure grandma has her two packs a day. Even if they have to roll her smokes themselves to save money. If she has enough cigarettes, they will see a big change in her behavior.
OP says her grandmother had an aneurysm and 2 strokes. She is in an AL for a reason. Her mind could be effected. OP said family can't afford more than a pack a day. Thats what $8.00 a pk? Thats $16 a day. About $500 a month, $6000 a year. Thats asking a lot of family members to foot the bill. Maybe there is an alternative. Some medication/patch that will help cut down on the need and one pk will be enough?
I smoked for 35 years. Nicotine patches don't help. Chantix won't help. I've used both. In fact, I've used every kind of smoking cessation program and product there is and none of them worked for more than a couple of months. They didn't work because I didn't want them to work. I didn't really want to give up cigarettes.
Nothing will help a person quit smoking if they don't want to quit.
It's the same thing with alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, and any other addiction. If a person doesn't want to give it up, nothing can help them until they do.
I'm going on one year smoke-free because this time I really wanted to quit and am serious about it.
A 71 year old in an assisted living facility isn't going to be serious about wanting to quit. That's not gonna happen.
You're right. It would be traumatic to take the grandmother's cigarettes away.
As for the threatening, well needy people get pushy and desperate. Especially a needy person who's also an addict and smokers are addicts. You're also right about the staff of the AL taking some measures to make sure the dementia patients aren't stealing and ripping each other off. Those places cost a fortune to live in and this type of security should also be offered.
I am the one who suggested getting a cigarette machine to home- roll the grandmother's cigarettes to save money because it's a lot cheaper then smoking store-bought.
The grandmother is 71 years old and lives in an assisted living facility. Honestly, how much pleasure in life can this person have? It would be downright cruel to cut a person that age off their cigarettes. Really, what good would that do? Maybe she can get her miserable life extended by a few years if she's forced to quit smoking? My God, have some compassion already.
I started smoking when I was a pre-teen and that was a long time ago. I quit now going on one year. I'm not an old woman living in an AL facility. But I know what it's like when you run out of cigarettes or don't have enough.
If a person at 71 years of age can still enjoy their cigarettes and hasn't died of a smoking-related illness, then I say let them have it. No one at that age should have to suffer and struggle the way I do and every other addict around the world does every minute of every day. Not at that age. People that old have enough suffering and struggles. They don't need more. Let the poor woman have her cigarettes.
In this case if a pack of cigarettes or an additional one would solve every one’s problems I’d find a way to supply it
My mother with Parkinson’s is blowing 80 thousand a year maybe more, we can’t find everywhere she’s hiding it. And causing irreversible damage, there seems to be nothing and no way to stop her.
Count your blessings if a pack of smokes can smooth things over, take that step before it’s bigger then you can manage
I would roll them for her … cruel to force her to quit now !!!
You are right. It would be cruel to force her to quit now.
She's old and lives in an assisted living facility.
Why take what's probably the only thing she still enjoys away?
excersise...it is miraculous when u get outside and breathe...i restarted smoking after having quit for six mos. but i dont plan on continuing my self abuse..its all a con game from the companies..there are drugs in tobacco that keep u hooked get her the famous book on stopping smoking that details how the filthy smoke goes into your body...get a tape she can listen to about stopping..be creative people
i had my dad in a nursing home at 97 yrs old and would go daily and get him up
to walk take him outside in the sun etc. he always had a good attitude..grateful.
this from his own pshycological makeup..he was a chrurchgoer most of his life.
You're right the behavior may very well be something new with the grandmother that isn't about her not having enough smokes.
Every suicide threat has to be taken seriously. In the grandmother's case though this new over-dramatic behavior could be many things.
Like boredom and loneliness. Or a need to attention. Or even plain old spite. I can't tell you how many elders I've worked for who would fabricate dramas about everyone stealing from them. Or bad-mouthing them. Or their families and caregivers are neglecting and abusing them. I had a couple of clients who went so far as to say they were being starved and refused medication. One who threatened suicide several times a day if she didn't get ice cream. I've had ones who accused their family and myself of beating them too. I even got questioned by the cops once because one old lady I worked for was that convincing to the police. Of course the cops quickly realized that nothing was going on and she was completely out of it. Her family finally put her in a nursing home.
pwalker90's grandmother may very well need medication as the woman was also a regular weed smoker too and isn't getting any that either.
If the family can afford pack a day, they can easily make four home-rolled packs for the cost of one if they did it themselves.
Then deliver them a couple times a week in person. Maybe come with a plate of cookies or a pizza and stay for a bit.
The grandmother's new behavior could be caused by something medical or advancing dementia and she should be evaluated.
It could also be driven by loneliness and plain old boredom too.
My Dad was a chain smoker. Started at the age of 12. Was sitting on the front step one day waiting for my Uncle to drop off a carton of cigs because he had run out. (He worked in a state nearby where cigs were cheaper) At 65 he had a heart valve put in and 3 bypasses. Was told to stop smoking, he went cold turkey. I will never understand how he did it.
That's amazing that your father quit smoking cold turkey after so many years. My mother did it the same way. I don't know how they were able to.
I didn't decide to quit smoking. Covid-19 made the decision for me because I got very ill.
I make the decision not to smoke and I'm going on one year cigarette-free. There's no way I could do it if I thought in terms of never smoking again for the rest of my life. So, it's one day at a time for me and I decided not to have any today.
First, no facility can lock a RESIDENT in their room. When you are in an AL or NH it is considered your home. As such, you cannot be restrained in any way. Locking them in their room is a restraint and a fire hazard. And I capitalized resident because they are not considered patients even when they are in NHs. They are paying to live there even if on Medicaid.
In the NHs I have visited there is no smoking allowed. Anyone who smokes has to go outside the building. I never saw anyone smoke in Moms AL. If they were, it must have been in their own rooms. There was no smoking in the Common areas. There was a resident on oxygen. ALs are not health facilities. They are residences that give assistance.
"The staff must step in and discipline her in these cases" This is not the staffs job to "discipline". What is going to happen is Grandma is going to be asked to leave. Tenancy is usually monthly. All that is needed is a 30 day notice. She is becoming too much for the AL and staff to handle. They don't have to tolerate her behaviour or deal with it. Unlike a NH that by law has to "discharge safely", ALs are not under that law. Just like living in an apartment, you can be evicted.
My State has a law banning smoking in offices and public places. Places I have worked have designated areas outside the building. Schools you have to be off the property to smoke.