ADD and forgetfullness with caregiving.

At least I got my taxes in. It is just frustrating at I know I am ADD, I didn't realize it unit recently. I see people who can totally focus on one thing and I'd love to be able to do that. I am working on some things, less social media, less cocktails, better eating, working out (plan to today) Just need to start focusing on me and leave everyone else to fiend for themselves.It is hard to want things to be neat and orderly but living with people who could care less. SIL for the most part is a slob, dad is a "stuffer" (stuffs things in corners behind chairs etc.). The bedrooms of tiers stink to high heaven. Now that the cold weather is here it will become worse (Laundry baskets overflow in their rooms) and the smells seep into the hallway.
So maybe if I stop worrying about everyone else and start on me things will get better? I don't know but I will try.

The only tasks I see as crucial now are medication, cooking, and cleaning the bathroom. The rest can get done as I feel inspired to do it. Mom is such a clutterbug that cleaning a room is a major effort. Sometimes I just run the carpet sweeper in the living room. A good vacuuming would mean I would have to spend 20 minutes decluttering her corner. She keeps everything she needs in arm's reach. The table and floor around her chair are a mess. And I rarely, rarely clean her bedroom. It is a den of craziness that you would have to see to believe. It totally defeats me to look at it. I really believe she thinks something is going to come up through the floor to get her. She covers it with quilts, blankets, shoes, and clothes so there isn't any floor showing through. When I get this idea of cleaning her room, I end up just leaving, shaking my head. She doesn't even notice the dust and dirt. Ah-choo!

Well Jesse you have helped me again in sharing your situation. I was struggling with the issue of organization and neatness while living in my mothers house. I just made up my mind to stop being cinderella but I was feeling guilty. When I first came back it was an affront to my psyche to see how things were and live it. Sometimes it still is but just today I was like I have to stop beating myself for not keeping this house clean. and every effort I make is just useless anyway. I find that its getting easier to look and leave it alone. Your post gave encouragement.

ff, my mother has always been a lazy woman. As she is getting older and more forgetful, more things are going ignored. The floor is a fine place for trash. And if she leaves cabinets open, then she won't have to open them again the next time she needs something. There's logic to it, and no harm is really done except to my psyche.

Jessie, reading your post reminds me of my sig other who has no memory issues, etc. that is just how he is :P

I can come home from work and know what he has been up to, kinda like a trail throughout the house. I can tell what he had for lunch just by looking at the sofa and carpet. Yes, he was raised by a pack of wolves !!

Had to laugh when I am reading these things. This morning I went into the kitchen and half the cabinets and drawers were wide open. There were paper towels and dish clothes thrown here and there, toilet tissue bits on the floor, and grease spatters on the stove. So I closed things, heated myself some breakfast, and retreated. Having everything neat and organized is a fantasy of bygone days.

tgengine, same here knowing where everything is in my house. Knowing what items are in what drawer and on what side of the drawer :)

But add tons of items from my parents house has thrown that OCD into a tizzy. I am constantly searching for their items, just can't remember where those things are, in what drawer, in what box or what bag.

TG I think losing focus after doing taxes for 2 hours is normal, it is your perfectionism and perhaps your OCD that is telling you otherwise.
And having a garage or office that looks like something out of a magazine is a fantasy unless you never use those rooms or are an OCD hermit. No wonder you are so stressed!

I guess it is a blessing and a curse?My dream is to have the office and garage that you see in magazines, not a thing out of site. My buddy has one of those but then again he is the guy with a check book and I am the guy with every tool imaginable and the knowledge how to use them. I started yesterday organizing the office and doing taxes (yes months late) ADD. It took me 2 hours, got it half way. now today to try to do that again.... I need to give my self timers. The big issue is once things are nice and neat everyone sees that as a landing place for their stuff.... Hence my OCD... I was close to doing my spice cabinet alphabetical but as soon as I do someone messes it up so why bother. I can tell someone where a screwdriver is in what drawer on what side in my tool box, I keep everything in the same place for years, that is how I can operate. Years of my father just throwing tool where ever and taking a long time to find them.
It's nice to hear that as long as my ADD doesn't conflict with my OCD I will be OK? I hope so.

I have actually sat and researched ADD to see if that is what I had. My focus was so off, my memory poor, mind so foggy......I was terrified of what I had. Several things happened that turned my condition around. ONE of them was getting out from under the stress. I had my cousin, who has dementia placed into AL. (Regular first, then Memory Care.) The better her care and condition, the less stress I had. And therefore, my mind cleared up. I'm now as good as ever.

I also started taking Coconut Oil capsules. I read about it several different places. I do NOT KNOW if that is what helped me, but I will continue taking them.

Oh, you could still have ADD. That's a possibility, but I think stress from caregiving can do a lot to your mind and body.

tgengine, just think without those of us who like to organize things, our world would really be in a mess.

Even having our clothes organized means in a power failure we could get dressed in the dark and come out looking good :)

Sounds like you have ADD in some rooms of your home, and OCD in others. The way my therapist interpreted it, as long as my OCD isn't being totally disruptive to those around me, then don't worry about it. I know throughout my career, my mild ODC was an advantage.

My ADD is full on lately. I cant seem to concentrate on what I need to do. I am multitasking to the max and it's driving me crazy, even now I am supposed to be working and I have the TV on in my office and reading web sites vs getting work done, yesterday I looked at the clock and 2 hours went by before I knew it. (Just turned the TV off) I am in front of my PC everyday so I can get distracted at the drop of a hat or email or text. I am reading (listening) to a book on ADD, I am an absolute profile on ADD. It explained everything about me in school and professionally and personalty. Now that I have self diagnosed myself (usual pattern) what do I do about it? My wife has her masters in special needs but really can't help me because she is too close to the situation. This doesn't help with the situation at home as I get irritated with the little things. I am a big procrastinator. I get the job done but at the last minute. It gets me anxious and then it comes out in family situations. My garage and office are a mess but my closets and drawers are organized (by color and size). It drives people around me crazy that I organize things by category, CD's albums but not everything. Even though my garage is a mess it is organized by category to where things are, Paint, section, oil section, tool section..... So how do I get this all into perspective that I can relate better with my family and not drive me and them crazy?

One of my problems is that my mother is a very difficult person. If I want to do something, I have to figure out how to do it in a way that doesn't set her off. She can get so angry. It is like trying to step around in a room full of snakes, hoping that I don't step on one of their tails. This creates a lot of additional stress. I used to care if I upset her because I didn't want her to be unhappy. Now I realize that she is going to be unhappy, anyway. I step around in a way that keeps me from having to listen to an angry, tearful outburst and her bullying.

When I was a kid I would never tell my mother anything because I didn't trust her. I avoided her as much as possible when I got old enough to feel the sting. Funny now I am that same kid. Even back in the old days I was a snake-smart kid. It takes a lot of mental energy to deal with a personality like this and gets very exhausting.

My issue isn't ADD - I'm a bit OCD. And when I get really stressed out the OCD ramps up - oh, the counting! Counting a specific number of pumps on the soap dispenser, twisting the door knob a certain number of times to make sure its locked, etc. Then there's the "senior moments" of forgetting. I hope no one considers this a movie spoiler - but, you know the scene in Still Alice when she finds the shampoo in the fridge? Well, not quite that bad, but close. My self-cure has always been to simply reduce the number of things I'm doing or thinking about. Bye-bye yard work, book reading, going out with a friend, etc. It's been All Mom, All Hours, All Days for so long - now that she's passed - 29 days ago - I'm having trouble restarting anything in my life. Perhaps it will come back with more time?

micalost, same there. Seems like I can't string a sentence together any more when I talk :0

Right now I am at the office, it is very slow and the boss hasn't pulled into the parking lot.... I am finding myself closing my eyes I am so tired.... the cloudy weather doesn't help.

sure, I thought I was getting dementia....
I still do because I am still having trouble finding words...

Yep. Caregiving fries the brain.

I have become a total space cadet.

ADD / OCD and everthingelse associated with getting burnt-out. My counselor brought up PSD,at todays meeting. I've never in the world think of that one, but he said that it fits me to a degree.

I go to work to have a social life, but can't do anythingafter hours, need to take care of my wife. I was thinking about maybe joining an online group for venting. Also having a check list for the person whom you care for(it helps), but I forget stuff I need at work (lately). Too much info at once is just the same as NOT-enough, I tell my wife(care-reciever) that I start work 1/2 hr earlier than scheduled.

Just incase of something. Hope this helps you, this is my 1st blog response. Together we can help and support eachother. I'm open for ideas, and have some answers of myown. Open for 1-1 or group chating, getting coffee, something that will benefit ourselfs and those whom we care for.

Oh my gosh, yes, I have found myself so very distracted that I forget to do chores around the house. I have forgotten birthdays. I have even forgotten to take a shower in days.

It is all information overload as now we are now thinking for another person or two. I know I was trying to think for myself and my parents. My brain's file cabinets were already full !!

Yes, the internet is a big distraction. My hobby is politics, and I couldn't even focus on that :P

With so much of my late parent's "stuff" sitting in my dining room, my family room, and my basement, my OCD was kicking at me trying to get my attention. Trying to get my life in order had been placed on the back burner.