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She shows no interest in anything yet wants to go anytime I say we are going somewhere in the car. We go for short trips like to get ice cream or run business errand where she stays in locked car for a few minutes but that's not enough. She's seemed not interested in anything and I can't seem to think of anything. we could go away to the beach together but she would not be interested in going outside. she walks short distances with walker but otherwise it would be me pushing wheelchair. We grew up without much exposure to most hobbies because there was not much money and pre occupation with one another's drama. What a way to live? I am now retired and she is 85 and we do have a little money but can't think of anything to do that would interest mom. Does not like and can't follow movies. She has a hearing aid so restaurants and loud places are not a good selection and the local senior agency has been tried. When she can't hear, she is not a happy camper and will not do anything if I am not with her. Probably depression and to much dependence on me but can anyone give me advice. Was not accepted into day care because of incontinence and behaviors and has been in 3 facilities and had to leave those too. Could not or would not socialize.

Thank you all, these are great ideas and advice. She actually worked in a laundry when I was growing up and she does fold our laundry often. The U tube is a good idea too, thanks. I do have a caregiver for 4 hours, 3 days a week and it helps some to give me chance to get out and do something different. Thanks.
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Reply to cheryljane
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My mom insists she is not social, but I can tell she is much happier in assisted living, where things are going on, whether or not she is involved. I like Geaton's idea of finding things that involve sight, especially films about animals, where a story line is not needed. I take my mom for rides in the countryside, where she starts to remember drives she and my dad would take. She also likes to sit on the front porch of the assisted living place she is in. She watches people walking dogs and children playing and walking by, and the trees blowing in the breeze. She makes up stories about the people and the trees. Sometimes, though, she makes up disturbing stories, such as a dog trapped in the car in front of the house or the people coming down the street are her relatives - a long story in itself - coming to visit. If your mom cannot follow a movie, game, or organized event, just watching what is going on around her might be good entertainment. A park? You read while she sits and watches?
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Reply to ArtistDaughter
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Really SIMPLE things worked for us when I was a nurse. For instance we would get about 100 washclothes, baby clothes, whatever--, put in a basket, and ask a patient who was agitated and needing to be out with us in a tray-table chair if she could possibly help us with folding, that we were so far behind and needed help. I would say a fell 85% of women were busily folding and stacking clothes by the hour, seemingly relaxed and happy. If you think what a "zen" these simple chores of ironing or folding can be in our own lives when we have the time for them is is somewhat understandable.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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If her hearing is compromised that adds to the challenge. Her vision may be compromised a bit at this point also. These are huge issues that affect interaction with others and the ability to do things.

I was just at a Teepa Snow conference, wonderful and frightening information all rolled into one. She said even doing something as simple as organizing poker chips, blue ones in this bag, red ones in that bag would be a positive. Or folding towels, or moving something from one side of the closet/pantry to the other side.  

We, as caregivers, have to realize that our carees don't have to be doing something all the time. Their abilities have changed and we have to change with them, they can't change to us and what they used to be able to do they can't do anymore.

My mother sits in her chair watching tv all day. I think my goodness, really? But that is what is comfortable to her. When she seems restless I give her washcloths and hand towels to fold, I ask her if she could do me a favor as it would really help me out, and she beams with accomplishment after she is done. Experiment a little bit with little things like that and see what she likes if anything. 

I also use YouTube as videos can just run from one into the other. Amazon sells these Fire Sticks that plug into the side of your tv and enables you to access all of the streaming apps.

CherylJane I will also say, for your own sanity, get a caregiver in there to give yourself a break. I know it is hard but you have to have a break for yourself. Even if you sell it to your mom by saying she is your house cleaner and she doesn't have to socialize with her it will give you a chance for some air.  

Hang in there, you are doing a great job.
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Reply to PaniniSandwich
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You cannot make her happy, happiness is an inside job. If she doesn't like to do anything why not let her be? Sometimes we caretakers become codependent, we feel it is our responsibility to do everything and anything for the LO, including giving up our happiness and life for them. You are retired, start enjoying your life, you are not her entertainment committee, might be time to break some of the bonds that bind you. Take care!
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Reply to DollyMe
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You are a saint for the loving care you are providing to your mom! Have you had an official medical assessment of her current cognitive level? Knowing this will give you insight into her behavior. At 85 and IF she has dementia (or depression) it's unrealistic to expect her to pick up hobbies at this late stage. My friend uses those adult coloring books to keep her 90-yo dad busy. My cousin sets up funny cat videos from YouTube for my 97-yo aunt to watch (and she is transfixed and laughs at them although she can't follow a simple storyline from a movie). Deafness is very isolating and confusing for them and I know how expensive hearing aids are, so you'll need to focus on what she can see. Do you have any friends, neighbors, local relatives or place of worship that may provide a few hours here and there to give you breaks? Hang in there. Shortly there will be many more suggestions from the the agingcare.com community. Blessings!
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Reply to Geaton777
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