I've been accused of stealing from my dad, but I'm not. What can I do?

Just posted to another question. i have just lost both of my parents. I had told EVERYONE that i am not a bookkeeper. the best advice i can give?? get duplicate, triplicate copies of receipts for EVERYTHING..as one contriburtor wisely said No good deed goes unpunished. NOT to toot any horn, i willingly and lovingly gave 10 yrs of my life to caring for my folks. To be questioned about money ..well to me..there is NO greater insult.

I was just discussing this situation with my husband. How horrible is it when someone blames an innocent person of stealing from the ones he/she is helping out of the kindness of their hearts. If these accusers realized what we go through on a daily basis without, vacation, payment, changing our lives around, seeing our loved ones go down hill and not getting help from siblings, helping when we feel ill and getting no thanks. I wonder how they would feel. Unfortunately I've been accused if you read above. If I am ever accused again I will tell the accuser to call the cops, have me arrested and I will see them in court. I will never be put through that again! Defamation of character charges should be bought to their attention.

Really sorry to hear your story, it must be so frustrating giving all you're trying to do is take care of your father . I always find that keeping a paper trail is a clear win. As long as you keep documentation to show the in and out of funds, you should be able to defend your position. Good luck.

Money is the root of all evil !!

When I started paying mom's bills I was very aware that I had to keep her affairs seperate from mine -for everybody'd sake. I paid all her bills through her biillpay connected to her bank account. I f I buy anything for her I keep receipts and pay myself back via billpay. I can produce everything if required. It's just human nature to be doubtful of one another -even family. You have to watchout for yourself.

Agree with others, use your POA to fire this company, get records of all payments made to them. Would like to add, keeping things simple in the paperwork is key. Just because dad's life situation has changed does not always mean the way his paperwork is handled needs to change. Dad should have his own checking and if he does, his bills should be paid from his own checking. As POA you can even open a checking for him if he doesn't have one. You sign for dad on his checks, you sign your name below his on the checks, ie; John Doe, POA. This way you do not have to transfer or pay your self back for his bills, especially health aide care, this way he is actually still paying his own bills, it keeps things simple because when money starts to get transferred from a parents account to a caregivers account, then questions arise and there can be and usually are accusations. It is also possible to get a debit card to his account in your name to use for his prescriptions, diapers, etc... depending on what your dad can afford to pay for himself. You simply do his shopping for him put it on his debit card, that comes from his checking account. This does require saving and copying every receipt to show what was bought for him if questions arise about that, but by not putting yourself In a position where you have to be reimbursed will save yourself headaches in the long run.

I cared for my mother and father and encountered a similar situation. Continue to save all documentation in banker boxes. I recommend the plastic ones. Make separate file folders within the boxes. For example, food, medical, home insurance, auto, etc.

When dealing with your father, save every receipt, bank statement, deposit slip, etc. If using a check to make payments, note what the check is being used for on the check itself then save a copy of the cancelled check. If using a credit card, save your statements showing who received payment. When sending emails to providers, .cc yourself or save the sent copy for future reference.

You may need to call Adult Protective Services and ask for welfare checks on your father. You may even need to become his conservator. If so, see an attorney that specializes in this area. It can be expensive, but may be necessary.

Ignore people who judge you and do what is best and most loving for your father. Beyond that guard your sanity by eating right, exercising regularly, getting your rest, and seek out the positive.

The problems explained in this discussion are all too common, and put an extra burden on the good people who have stepped up to help a loved one. But when you step back and look at the situation from the viewpoint of third parties, you can see how misunderstandings get started.

The adult child here who takes care of their father explains how "We pay his bills using our own money and then use his to pay us back." This practice is a prescription for confusion. At a minimum, you should have a separate checking account that takes in your father's income and disburses payment for his expenses. This is the simplest way to keep a clear record of how his money is being spent. Mingling his money with yours, and then paying his expenses from your own account makes it difficult or impossible to see his transactions clearly. The system you are using may require you to disclose information about your own finances to prove that you have done nothing improper.

The problem is compounded as "his bank statements always show purchases in our area, and not his."

If your father's finances involve more than one or two bank accounts you need to make a list of all his accounts, along with his Social Security Retirement Income, dividends, and other income. List the principal balance for each account, and the monthly income it produces. You can call this list: Schedule A.

When you look at Schedule A, you (and anyone else you show the list to) can see how much income your father has each month.

Made another list showing his expenses. Call this chart: Schedule B.
Show the Name of Expense and the expense Amount.

Make a new Schedule A and Schedule B every month, so you can see how your father’s needs are met. If you subtract the expenses paid in Schedule B from the total principal balance of Schedule A, everyone can always see the financial resources that remain available for care.

The Probate Courts in the state where I live (Massachusetts) use a similar format to account for funds of people who cannot manage their own money. You said that a caregiver company "placed a guardian over him" because you missed one payment. You didn't explain how that happened or whether your father received due process. Hopefully your family's finances won't become part of public probate proceedings.

Using an organized system to keep your father's funds separate from yours can provide a better way.

Hello, first, A big thank you for all who have commented. I realize i left out some details, only because i didn't know how much i could post. It wasn't the caregiver company that started this, we spoke with them, and they assured us they do not do this. It was wrong of me to say it was them when we do not know who started this. We received a phone call from adult protective services first, they are the ones who told us that a Guardian was placed over him and offered no answers as to why. Then we received a call from the guardian company, and had to answer a bunch of questions. I asked them why this happened and again they offered no answer. We then received the court papers that protective services filed. We are simply upset that this is happening, although they say its short term(2 months). It bothers us that they have full control over everything in his life, and there is nothing we can do.

If you have siblings, start there & assume it was an "anonymous phone call" that started the mess. Sad.

ok My mom added me to her bank account years ago ,,, I am her only caregiver ,, am I asking for the same trouble here ,,, is there a better way to do this ,,

I can't imagine how a caregiver company would have that kind of power- was there a court order of some kind? I was doing the same thing, using my own account and reimbursing myself for a while- then I put myself on their account and got a debit card so there is a record of all expenditures they made with their debit card. Occasionally there were cash expenditures and I kept a running tally of those with receipts and date of reimbursement from the account.

How do you manage to staple this to that and document this here and that there when your mother's 'holdings' include a network of rent houses that require frequent fixing and services, from plumbing to fertilizer to lawnmower repair, etc? I bet there are more than 50 receipts per month and some folk want to be paid in cash. I'm glad she's got resources, but holding this team of horses together is overwhelming for me.

That is tough and you need a good software system or hire a property manager.