Follow
Share

I've lived with my grandma for most of my life and recently turned eighteen in February. She takes care of her self, handles her own bills, and even takes care of my uncle who has brain damage. I just stay there for a week and my boyfriends house for a week, mainly because she will miss me when I go to college. I recently got my permit and we were running late for a dentist appointment and had to drive on the interstate for the first time. When I got to the doctors office I did say "shes so stupid" because she ignored me for a broken phone for most of the car ride which put us in danger several times then preceded to give me directions some of which were bad and some of which were good. Someone reported me for "elderly abuse" because I called her stupid and an idiot and looked "generally angry". Of course I was my brother died in a car accident. I normally don't say anything bad to my grandma but I was stressed and her actions could have us killed. Anyways I'm eighteen, I'm no caregiver. I handle no finances, heck I even pay rent (aka the electricity bill). I clean my room and she cleans the rest of the house. Am I not allowed to say anything bad about my grandma anymore? Anyways, I'm not a care giver. The law says "a caregiver".

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Who told you that you were reported for elderly abuse? Has APS contacted you and launched a formal investigation, or was this just a comment from someone at the doctor's office?
Even if an investigation is started I'm certain it will never go beyond the initial stages (unless there is more you are not telling us), I think most of us on this site could be locked away if they were throwing people in jail for a few nasty comments!
Helpful Answer (18)
Report

Dear Naenae,

I know you only said those words due to stress and frustration. One incident of blurting out the wrong words won't get you into trouble for elder abuse. I know you love your grandmother and it was not intentional. Please apologize to your grandmother and do not let this stop you for continuing to see her and help her. We all do things we regret. We learn, we say sorry and we move on.
Helpful Answer (16)
Report

Has anything come of the remarks made about what you said in public to your grandmother?

You were very rude. One can understand why. It's not okay, but it's not going to be put right either by being blown out of proportion. Apologise to your grandmother and let that be the end of it. And leave more time for car journeys - as people get older, everything just does take longer and that's just how it is. I sympathise with your stress.
Helpful Answer (14)
Report

I would not want to know what would happen to me if all my thoughts were blurted out loud. There probably isn't a place for people like me, lol.
Helpful Answer (14)
Report

You don't have to be a caregiver to be accused of abuse. I understand you were very stressed.. but calling her an idiot and stupid really does not look good to the professionals at the Dr office, and they are required to report this sort of thing. The Dr office had no idea your brother died... they just saw your treatment of GM. Perhaps someone else could drive her next time?
Helpful Answer (12)
Report

Of course you will not be thrown in jail for this, it will not affect your college application either. Do not worry. I know we all get frustrated, stressed out, and often say things we do not mean, however keep in mind older people tend to be more fragile. Everything is going to be OK, and maybe next time you can just count up to ten or something ; )
Helpful Answer (12)
Report

You are allowed to vent about your grandmother when she's not present. If you are calling someone "stupid" and "idiot" in their presence, it's called verbal abuse, whether it's a friend, a sibling, a child or and elder.

The difference is, when it's a child or an elder, it's reportable, because they are vulnerable populations.

I take it that you have been contacted by APS.

When they come to the house to interview you and grandma, separately, I assume that you will be contrite and not make excuses for your behavior.

I assume that grandma will say that she's not being verbally abused by you.

APS will then close the case and you will have learned a valuable lesson about not letting your emotions rule your behavior. It's a life lesson, and one well learned at 18.
Helpful Answer (12)
Report

I agree with BarbBrooklyn, at 18 you are on the cusp of adulthood, and it is time you learn the difference between acceptable childish outbursts and decent adult restraint. When I see people having temper tantrums out in public, especially when it is directed toward someone in a vulnerable position, I always think that anyone who allows themselves to be so abusive in public is likely even worse is in the privacy of their own homes.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

You won't be thrown in jail. If it was your appt how would they know your grand mom's name to report?
Yep we all say stupid stuff at times - nobody's perfect. Chalk it up to a learning experience.
But that doesn't make it right to call your grandmother "stupid", whether in public or not.
Lesson learned. Don't worry. You love your grandmother and will probably not react that way again.
Good luck in your senior year!
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

Any poor treatment of children and elderly must be reported by certain professions, a dentist office being a good example of that. First, if you have a car to drive to and from the boyfriend and you seem to consider yourself quite the adult, why didn't you go by yourself? Second, stressed or not, where is the respect your Grandmother deserves just for being your Grandmother but most important the person who raised you. So yes verbal abuse from anyone is elder abuse. I think you need to find better coping skills because calling people names is very childish and something you should not be doing at the age of 18. Name calling is what small children and bullies do. It doesn't matter that your brother passed away. So instead of working about jail, go find yourself an anger management class, find a church where you can learn to cope without being abusive, and if you can't show respect to the elders you are related to then go get your own apartment and pay all of your own bills. You seem proud that you clean your room...try helping your gm clean the whole house. You said this poor woman raised you and is the caretaker of her adult son. Did it occur to you that this is not the life and elderly person would choose? Stop thinking of only yourself, apologize to gm, help her out more, and be a person who shows respect to those who kept you out of the foster care system.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.