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He told her Doctor recently that she accuses him of going across the street to spend time with a woman that is the wife of a man they frequently have breakfast with at the local grocery store. Now, when I have been there, he does go across the street or next door and doesn’t return for awhile. The other day it was 45 minutes. She just stands at the door and waits. When he returned, she asked why he was gone so long and why he didn’t tell her where he was going. He explained he was helping the invalid man next door, which he was. She wouldn’t let it go, kept brining it up. He did say he was just going out to get the mail. Now I was there this time, but if he does that when no one else is there, that does leave her wondering. After a few minutes, she wouldn’t even remember he went out for the mail...
Since he told her Doctor she thinks he’s cheating on her, they prescribed Zoloft for her. She does not want to take it. I think he should just alter his behavior rather than start her an another drug at the present time, but then he never tells me what’s happening with her behavior. I travel there once a month but we talk on the phone twice a day. I told him he needs to tell me when her behavior starts showing something new. He is not a man of communication! My husband told him he just doesn’t have the skill set to be her caretaker. I don’t think this is even new behavior for her, as I’ve seen it before, years ago. Her husband is a big flirt and a narcissist. All he can think about now is getting her started on this Zoloft, like it’s going to be a cure all and even bring back her memory. Thanks for letting me vent....any opinions??

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Thanks for all your responses...all good advice...
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My MIL thought my FIL was having affairs with everyone.. from the girl at 7-11 to both my SIL and I.. years before we thought anything was wrong with her. If you listened to MIL,, he was the engerizer bunny! Sons were able to shut it down somewhat when it came to us wives.. but it really never went away. And I agree he may be in some sort of "payback " mode.. but I feel its more likely he needs a break
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BTW, my husband's paranoid delusions lasted just a few months. Fortunately his did not include infidelity claims, but they were dreadful enough. Let's hope that your mother gets through this stage quickly.
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Delusions about a spouse being unfaithful are unfortunately common in dementia. And it really doesn't seem to matter what the relationship was before the dementia. Like other dementia delusions, it is caused by the damage in the brain. I think it is too sophisticated and consistent for it to be deliberate revenge.

Does you dad understand the nature of dementia? Has he tried going along with the delusion? "Oh Sweetheart, I guess I was there longer than I thought.I would never ever be unfaithful and I am so sorry I worried you. was doing a few tasks for Joe. Next time I do that would you like to come along. Maybe you can give us some advice."

AS Ahmijoy points out, Zoloft may or may not help and it will take several weeks before you know! But it is worth a try in my opinion. Why is Mother resisting it?

BTW even if Dad changes his behavior that may not change hers. It is a delusion. It does not have to be based on reality. I'd try it if I were him -- write on a white board: "Helping Joe next store. Back by 3:30. Love you." But just because he writes it or tells her doesn't mean her broken brain can accept it. She'll just say he is lying.

Dad does need some frequent breaks. And Mom should not be left alone. See if you can work on those issues. And encourage her to take the "relaxation pill."
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Just a thought, but could your stepfather be intentionally aggravating your mom just to get back at her for having to be her caretaker? He may have some mental issues of his own. Do they have any home health Care coming in? Dad may need a break. As far as the Zoloft, it’s not a magic pill. Anti-depressants often take weeks to work and some don’t work. Dosages have to be adjusted, etc. They may work on paranoia and may not.

If Mom is having these issues, I’d be concerned about leaving her alone. She may, at some point, decide to go looking for him. I would discuss a facility with Stepdad and see what he thinks, or a home health care worker to give him a break.
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Countrygirl3, sometimes a Urinary Tract Infection can cause an elder to have paranoia type behavior. The test can be done at your Mom's primary doctor, or at an Urgent Care type place. The test is easy. Antibiotics will help with the infection. Let's hope it is something this simple.
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