The monthly cost for a Memory Care home is $4200. We would like to charge dad $3000 a month for care in our home. Is that acceptable?

Happy to send Prayers for Bill :) He's had one answered, anyway - he's a lucky man that you've been able to juggle your priorities round and create enough time to intervene.

I see you are already working out what is and is not worth the battle, and I congratulate you - I wish I'd got there as fast.

Just took dad's cpap in to be evaluated as I was pretty sure my brother hadn't been maintaining it properly. Mask hasn't been changed in over 2 years. Filter dirty/black, not sure when it was changed last, there was black mold on the soft rubber part of the reservoir, and when I went to check the filter in the "So Clean" cleaner to see if there was a date on it to say when it needed to be changed, I discovered the blue plastic film that says, "please remove before use" was still on it. So all the time they've been using the CPAP and supposedly cleaning it daily, the cleaner has been useless as the filter isn't filtering anything. No wonder dad got bronchitis. I am going to take it to doctor and see if they can (or think they should) do a culture. I am wondering if he's got black mold in his lungs. If that's not neglectful care (or abusive) I don't know what is.

Nothing like as dangerous, Lisa, but among many run-ins my SIL accused me of not telling me that mother's hearing aids were broken. I asked if she'd removed the tab over the new batteries. She retorted angrily "the hearing aids are BROKEN."

Sure enough, once mother was home, I found the tabs in place and unmolested. I'd still like to shove the dam' thing up her nostril.

Do you think there might have been an element of too many cooks (with too few cooking skills) involved in all this?

You can probably take some swabs yourself and bag them up, if that's easier than hauling the whole thing in?