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witsend You are a wonderful daughter for dealing with this painful situation. I too have cared for a mother with life long mental illness. Added to the burden of aging it is overwhelming. Others have guided you in the right direction. My advice is to take care if yourself. Therapy, support groups, this site...whatever you can manage. This is painful and difficult for you to deal with and it will help to be sure you are taking care if your needs. (((HUGS)))
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Sorry you are going through this. Yes, call the elder attorney. And lots of hugs form the rest of us.

Wow, this stirs up a lot of memories for me. I'm going back about five years...

I mentioned somewhere here recently that my mom was causing havoc in the church and breaking off ties with people constantly. It was similar to what you are describing, and so embarrassing. But nothing illegal.

Yes,paranoid in the extreme. I always believed this was a reaction to the memory loss. anyway,among other things, my mom receives a notice form California about skin care (we are in PA) and it is packaged to look like a hand written note. My mom was sure that a woman form the church was sending this to her as an insult. Naturally, I had no idea what she was talking about and, then, sure enough, after she had been in AL about three months one of these innocent ads came in the mail. I couldn't believe it.

For about three years my husband and I had to listen while my mom told us that this same woman was telling everyone in town that my mother (then 85) was having an affair with a married man. It never stopped.

She had the sweetest little old friend who brought her chicken soup when she was sick. The whole time my mother knew her my mother told everyone that this sweet little old woman was a whore.

Does any of this sound familiar? And my mom was never like this in the past. So sad. But, and maybe it helps to know this,it is over now. My mom's memory has slipped to the point that she can't remember her grievances and--MOST IMPORTANTLY--she has the right meds. The paranloia went away like a mild headache. Amazing.
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Professional help is the best route. I have an aunt who accuses people of stealing from her all the time and she get along with nobody. She has been diagnosed with dementia, but she can still hold a conversation. It is very difficult to say what exactly it is. It could be early dementia coupled with depression. The elderly are unprepared for all the inevitable changes and some withdraw while others become aggressive. Your mom needs help. I hope you find a solution before it gets worse.
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wits, I'm so sorry to hear of this awful situation. I hope these recommendations help you! Sorry for the recent loss of your dad. Hugs.
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using an intermediary agency allows you to retain the distance yet get the help she needs. Who knows perhaps with help for her, you may be able to rebuild a bond of some sort ....if YOU want, if not you have done all you can so rest easy. xxx
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We went through similar issues with my mom most of my life until her passing. Mom was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic with depression. Adult protective services is the best answer I know of. You can't fix her on your own.
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Thanks for the feedback, Witsend. If you are in touch with the woman she's harassing, perhaps a joint visit ( you and her) to the local precinct might be helpful.

Some police departments have units set up to deal with "community policing" issues. A joint visit would indicate that the person claiming the harassment is not simply a disgruntled neighbor.
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Thank you, Babalou. I appreciate your advice and kind, supportive words. Yes, long-term mental illness, maybe since childhood that has gotten worse in recent years. I will call Adult Protective Services. That is new and extremely helpful advice.

I don't know who her doctor is. She changes doctors like most people change shoes, usually when they get close to a diagnosis.
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It sounds as though your mother has, and has had, serious mental problems that are beyond the ability of a family member to intervene in successfully.

In your shoes, I would call Adult Protective Services, the Area Agency on Aging and the local police department and report her as a person who is in need of protection and supervision. Follow up these phone calls with certified letters.

Do you know who her doctor is? I would also report these incidents to her doctor, again, in writing, certified mail, with a return receipt.

You are NOT responsible for sorting your mother's mental illness. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
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