I used to take care of my friend for 10 years, I moved away but she begged me to come back and work for her as a IHSS worker here in SF CA. I did come back and she got a bigger apartment for both of us where we had alot more room and 2 bedrooms with a beautiful balcony. When I helped her move I blew out my knee, she said I could stay with her and help her out until I got better then go back to work for her again. We'll this early dementia has kicked in and progressed so fast. My friend has become defiant and violent. I try to defuse the situation but she dosent want to shower or throw away her feces soiled diapers, she saves them in her room and the whole apartment smells like a barn. Last month she got insanely angry with me because I asked her to please throw them out into the garbage 🗑. Then a barrage of insults and cuss words came my way and she threw the bag of dirty diapers at me and tried to punch me in the face so I called the SFPD, they tried to talk to her and she tried to attack me in front of them. They handcuffed her and took her in the other room. They just talked to her and didnt do anything. I asked of they could take her to a facility and they said no and just told her to stay away from me. I don't have the money right now to move so I just lock myself in my room and avoid her. Mind you she acts like nothing ever happened even though she said some really off the wall things and I seriously don't trust her. Ive hid all the knives in the house and called for APS to get involved but they said she is still functioning but she isn't! My friend loses her keys, also diabetic supplies and meds all the time. I just give up. Im so afraid of coming back here one day and finding her dead. Am I a jerk for abandoning her? I need to protect myself and now I feel lm losing it!! Helpppp!!
I used to carry pepper spray and have had to use it with clients. I had a client years ago who tried to sexually assault me while I was doing the dishes. He got clocked in the face with the skillet I was washing, then I called the cops.
If this friend/client has any family call them because she's not your responsibility.
Also, is your name on the apartment lease? If it is she can be put away in memory care and you would be able to stay.
You have to leave her and do not have any communication with her. Your friendship with the woman you called a friend is over. Dementia took that lady and replaced her with the monster who throws dirty diapers and tries to assault you.
Even if you have to go to a battered womens' shelter, go. You're an abused woman. Leave today and don't look back. Take her car keys and disable her car on your way out though. You'll be doing the people of San Francisco a favor if she's off the streets.
Best of luck to you.
The EMS has refused to hospitalize her.
You need to write her a letter of resignation, notify family and friends you are leaving, and whether you go to a shelter or elsewhere (again, contact APS this time for YOURSELF) you cannot stay with someone violent.
This was really poor decision making for yourself. This woman cannot be safe to care for and you cannot risk your life for housing and the minimal wages of IHSS. Your are now yourself injured and indigent, and need the care any entities that can help you. Contact APS and the local Agency on Aging. Because your life is endangered in your current living situation you may qualify for some temporary housing in shelter. I do hope you have access to return to your home, wherever that was, because SF is a tremendously expensive city to stay in, in every way. It's my home, so I can vouch for that. I wish you the best of luck. Get help for yourself. You already attempted to help this woman, and that's been to no avail. Good luck to you.
You need to move out. Don't tell her... just move. Do things at night when she's sleeping. Then you can check in on her and report her to APS or call 911 if she gets aggressive with you again.
Does your friend really have absolutely no family to contact? Have you ever tried to look through her paperwork (like at night when she's asleep) to see if she has a PoA? If not, then she is destined to become a ward of a legal guardian.
You say her dementia "progressed so fast"... in this case the next time she becomes agitated or aggressive, call 911 again and tell them you think she has an untreated UTI and is in denial and refusing treatment. In this instance they may take her to the ER. Once there with her, talk to the discharge planner and tell them she is an "unsafe discharge" and that you don't live with her and aren't her caregiver, and she is resistant to help anyway. Then ask to talk to a hospital social worker to discuss a possible direct transition into a facility. Don't give the hospital your phone number or they will hound you to take her home if they discharge her. They will out and out lie and tell you they will provide "help" once she's home. They won't, Sometimes they will put the person in an Uber and send them home. It all depends on the hospital and how full they are.
I wish you all the best as you make yourself a priority. I'm so sorry about your friend.
First save yourself. Get into a women's shelter if you have no place else to go. Then ask the police to perform a wellness check, which MIGHT get the ball rolling toward care for her. Don't agree to take care of her ever again. What she has is not fixable, but she isn't your responsibility.
You did the right thing by hiding the knives, but any object in the house could be used to attack you. A lamp. A fork. A dirty diaper. She isn't in her right mind, and sometimes people with her issues kill other people. Get gone before she tries it.
I'm so sorry. This must be very painful for you.