Social worker said she will have to go to a homeless shelter, which I cannot let happen. She passed all agility, cognitive and ADL assessments. She does not qualify for nursing home or assisted living.
Why does she not qualify for an AL. I know a man and a woman who lived with their spouses in an AL until their deaths. They remained in the AL. If Mom needs help with her meds and 3 meals a day, I think she qualifies for an AL. Can she live alone?
Maybe you can suggest they drop her off at an hotel because she can afford to live there. Might get a good weekly rate. She may get breakfast in the morning and can order her other meals.
Tajann, stop for just a moment and think logically.
Do you think, with all of the resources a hospital has access to, your mom's *only* choice is either live with you OR a homeless shelter?
Where is your brother? Why is living with him not being explored? Wasn't she living in a hotel previously? Why is this not an option this time around? Right there are *two* other options for mom; I think this is a bluff. I don't know what time zone you're in, but unless you're out on the West Coast, I even think that the SW put this choice to you so late in the day to make you feel like there was no other choice.
Here's what I would do if I were you. I would call the bluff. "I'm very sorry but if the only choice you're offering is live with me or go to a shelter, I'm afraid she'll have to go to the shelter. She has told me she wants nothing more to do with me, and I'm only respecting her wishes." It could be the SW is trying to force your hand; it could also be that MOM is insisting that she will go nowhere other than your home, and the SW is trying to force HER hand to accept other placement.
Either way, I would NOT allow her into your home right from the hospital. *IF* mom DOES indeed end up in a shelter, THEN you can decide to bring her into your home, with the caveat that IF/WHEN she reverts back to her old tricks, you will not allow her to stay with you. As cruel as this might sound, her spending a few nights in a homeless shelter might be a blessing in disguise.
I think you may be right about the social worker. However she should not let mom back into her home. She has done it before and has already said she can't do it.
Mom is mentally ill and refuses all rational help. Even a homeless shelter probably won't be a deterrent. She needs to walk away and detach with love for her own mental sanity. It is unfortunate but that is the reality. I know from experience with a family member. It is heartbreaking but after 30 years I finally stopped feeling guilty and accepted this is where she chooses to be and no amount of help or resources will change her and even her wanting to change is not always enough for changes to be made.
Unfortunately with mental illness there is no rock bottom or come to Jesus moment for many.
They truly are tormented souls who are victims of their own biology. It is tragic.
The homeless shelter will have its own counselors and resources to help your mom. Let her go there if that is where they are going to send her. The women's shelters are usually much better than the men's shelters.
Your mother is mentally ill. This will never stop or change. A homeless shelter is not the worst thing in the world. Many are quite nice.
That apartment out of state was a pie in the sky BS fantasy from a mentally ill woman.
She will continue to do these things no matter how much or how little you help. This will not end until she dies. Sorry but it's true.
Your main focus should be your own self perservation. One day you will truly be done and will no longer feel guilty about your mother's choices. This is her journey. Let her take the road. Some paths need to be walked alone.
Her mom went to a homeless shelter in NYC; it led to her getting the help she needed and deserved. Unfortunately, she left the Assisted Living place the Social Workers got her into when it became clear that she COULDN'T manage her life.
YOU can't help your mom. She will destroy you in any way she is able. It's what mentally ill folks do, unfortunately. Stand firm.
Why can’t you let it happen? Mom is reaping the consequences of what she did to get into this state, and you are supposed to pick up the pieces? Why doesn’t someone say that they can’t let that happen to YOU? You do have rights and the say so about your own life. This is a terrible situation for you. I’m sorry.
I thought your mother wasn't speaking to you at all? Who else in the family can take her in, b/c she obviously cannot live with a daughter she isn't even speaking to. Make some phone calls and find out where she can stay until her apartment is ready, that's my suggestion.
Why is she now homeless? For financial reasons? Behavioral? Substance abuse? Does she want you to manage her affairs? Sounds like she wouldn't be able to pay for AL anyway. Look into Section 8 housing for her, but do not take her in if there's nothing wrong with her cognitively. What about a group home?
Why can't you let it happen? And don't necessarily believe the Social Worker, who is probably trying to scare you into taking her, and so solving problems for SW.
Unhomed women, are prioritized for placement in hotel accommodations over unhomed men.
Was her previous hotel paid for by the government? If so, this was a "homeless shelter."
Maybe you can suggest they drop her off at an hotel because she can afford to live there. Might get a good weekly rate. She may get breakfast in the morning and can order her other meals.
Do you think, with all of the resources a hospital has access to, your mom's *only* choice is either live with you OR a homeless shelter?
Where is your brother? Why is living with him not being explored? Wasn't she living in a hotel previously? Why is this not an option this time around? Right there are *two* other options for mom; I think this is a bluff. I don't know what time zone you're in, but unless you're out on the West Coast, I even think that the SW put this choice to you so late in the day to make you feel like there was no other choice.
Here's what I would do if I were you. I would call the bluff. "I'm very sorry but if the only choice you're offering is live with me or go to a shelter, I'm afraid she'll have to go to the shelter. She has told me she wants nothing more to do with me, and I'm only respecting her wishes." It could be the SW is trying to force your hand; it could also be that MOM is insisting that she will go nowhere other than your home, and the SW is trying to force HER hand to accept other placement.
Either way, I would NOT allow her into your home right from the hospital. *IF* mom DOES indeed end up in a shelter, THEN you can decide to bring her into your home, with the caveat that IF/WHEN she reverts back to her old tricks, you will not allow her to stay with you. As cruel as this might sound, her spending a few nights in a homeless shelter might be a blessing in disguise.
Mom is mentally ill and refuses all rational help. Even a homeless shelter probably won't be a deterrent. She needs to walk away and detach with love for her own mental sanity. It is unfortunate but that is the reality. I know from experience with a family member. It is heartbreaking but after 30 years I finally stopped feeling guilty and accepted this is where she chooses to be and no amount of help or resources will change her and even her wanting to change is not always enough for changes to be made.
Unfortunately with mental illness there is no rock bottom or come to Jesus moment for many.
They truly are tormented souls who are victims of their own biology. It is tragic.
That apartment out of state was a pie in the sky BS fantasy from a mentally ill woman.
She will continue to do these things no matter how much or how little you help. This will not end until she dies. Sorry but it's true.
Your main focus should be your own self perservation. One day you will truly be done and will no longer feel guilty about your mother's choices. This is her journey. Let her take the road. Some paths need to be walked alone.
My vote is for the homeless shelter.
Please read Liz Scheier's Never Simple.
Her mom went to a homeless shelter in NYC; it led to her getting the help she needed and deserved. Unfortunately, she left the Assisted Living place the Social Workers got her into when it became clear that she COULDN'T manage her life.
YOU can't help your mom. She will destroy you in any way she is able. It's what mentally ill folks do, unfortunately. Stand firm.
You a being suckered by your mom. Don't buy into it, unless you are willing.