That's one of the many things I resent that I have to put up with and my golden boy out-of-state brothers don't. My mother is always complaining about what is her ache du jour. Sometimes she says, 'Wait 'til YOU get old!"
(Why do these elders think we deserve to live through the aches and pains twice - or more - we have to hear about THEIR complaints day after day, and then at some point we will live through our own physical downfall as we age?)
My mother also likes to brag that her PCP said that, "I am healthier than people younger than I am!" The last time she started with this, I simply said, "Then you should quit complaining."
I think that by the time we are 90+ we have had a LOT of experiences to be angry about, and also a lifetime to be grateful for. Which one we embrace most strongly probably depends on our basic underlying personality and the state of our mental health. And I imagine it can vary from day to day.
My husband did not make it to 90. When he developed dementia at 76 he had periods of anger over it and a paranoia phase. But overall he made the most of what he had.
My mother would never have been described as an angry person, before or during her dementia journey. In fact, my sisters and I still laugh about how she would have to make an effort at it when she thought she should be mad. She died at age 96, and I'd describe her 2+ years in a nursing home as "content."
I wasn't close to other old relatives on a day-to-day basis, but none of them seemed to spend their old age angry much of the time.
So I have a hard time equating old age with disproportionate anger.
My mom was angry toward the end of her life but she had never been an angry person throughout her life. She had a tendency for depression in her later years but she saw a therapist and took anti-depressant medication.
When she became angry it was like cwillie said. She was facing the horrible indignities of old age. But she not only became angry but she'd strike out at my father for no reason, like he was to blame. It was very uncharacteristic for her. And like you said, there was just so much anger. To this day I can't figure out where it came from.
Not all elderly people experience this but I think a fair amount do. I'm sorry your mom seems to be one of them. With my mom her anger was in part due to her health problems but I think there was some stuff going on with her that went way back, that I wasn't aware of. Things I never knew about. I figured that had to be the case because her anger was out of proportion to what she was going through in my opinion.
Well, what was she like when she was younger? I imagine if she wasn't always a "cup half empty" kind of person then she is feeling depressed about all the horrible indignities of old age. Aside from treating the root causes - pain, immobility, incontinence, failing vision and hearing, loneliness and mortality to name a few - she might benefit from an antidepressant.
(Why do these elders think we deserve to live through the aches and pains twice - or more - we have to hear about THEIR complaints day after day, and then at some point we will live through our own physical downfall as we age?)
My mother also likes to brag that her PCP said that, "I am healthier than people younger than I am!" The last time she started with this, I simply said, "Then you should quit complaining."
My husband did not make it to 90. When he developed dementia at 76 he had periods of anger over it and a paranoia phase. But overall he made the most of what he had.
My mother would never have been described as an angry person, before or during her dementia journey. In fact, my sisters and I still laugh about how she would have to make an effort at it when she thought she should be mad. She died at age 96, and I'd describe her 2+ years in a nursing home as "content."
I wasn't close to other old relatives on a day-to-day basis, but none of them seemed to spend their old age angry much of the time.
So I have a hard time equating old age with disproportionate anger.
When she became angry it was like cwillie said. She was facing the horrible indignities of old age. But she not only became angry but she'd strike out at my father for no reason, like he was to blame. It was very uncharacteristic for her. And like you said, there was just so much anger. To this day I can't figure out where it came from.
Not all elderly people experience this but I think a fair amount do. I'm sorry your mom seems to be one of them. With my mom her anger was in part due to her health problems but I think there was some stuff going on with her that went way back, that I wasn't aware of. Things I never knew about. I figured that had to be the case because her anger was out of proportion to what she was going through in my opinion.