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My 97 year old grandmother moved in with my family over a year ago. She is still in good health but is very selfish and wants to go out all the time, have cooked meals made for her every night and wants to do whatever she wants. She’s very messy and doesn’t clean up after herself, she lies right to our faces constantly, and does not listen whenever we tell her to do something. Anytime you confront her about her actions, she wants to argue and deny everything and says “I shouldn’t have moved in”. She’s causing many arguments between us and thinks she does no wrong. We are all going crazy. How do we deal with this?

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If she is mentally OK have you determined what sort of day programs she can participate at the local senior center which some family member can drop her off? It might leave her less moody. By the way, what do you mean that she wants cooked meals every night? How do you folks eat as a family?
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Christmas7890, sometimes what happens when an elder moves in or you move in with an elder is the adult/child dynamics. Now Grandmother is the adult, and you/other family members are once again the children. Thus, Grandmother is always right, and you kids don't know squat :P

There isn't much anyone can do with that. I bet Grandmother misses being around people of her own age group. Is there a senior center in your community? If there is, talk to the Director, sometimes the Director will say they need volunteers and your Grandmother would be perfect. That will give her something to look forward to.

Oh, has Grandmother had her hearing checked lately? Sometimes with hearing issues an elder will hear things wrong. And that can cause arguments.
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Sounds like time to revisit that decision and make other plans for grandma. Does anyone have POA financial and health? Does she have the financial means for assisted living or a seniors apartment?

She is quite right she shouldn't have moved in. What were her circumstances before and why did she move in?

Time for plan B.
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Who else is in the household? Was it your decision to move your grandmother in with you, or are you living with your parents and it was their decision?
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How did you wind up taking in your grandmother? Did she used to be reasonable and kind?
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If she has dementia, you cannot handle her. If she doesn't have dementia, you still cannot handle her. Either way, she is who she is and she's not going to change because she's nearly 100 years old. Can you find a room for her in a retirement community or assisted living community? Does she have savings, pension, or retirement income?
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Rear, your profile says Grandma has general age related decline but some of thee behaviors sound a bit like dementia. Have you had an opportunity to check out the alzheimers website where behaviors for all types of dementia are outlined? If she does have dementia, she has to be handled differently as she may not realize what she is doing so she will deny it!
My MIL had problems but denied it. When we moved her to assisted living it was amazing all of the things she hid. We yanked out so much garbage. Urine and blood stained undergarments thrown on the floor of her closet. Ripped up clothing all stuck all over the place. Bath mats that were so soaked in urine and feces they all got thrown away. I know it sounds like no one was helping her -- you wouldn't believe the times I offered to wash the bath mat, 'oh no I'll do it after you leave' we were told! We filled BAGS with long expired open packages of food, hidden ALL over the place.
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Move her back out.
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