I have a 95-year-old father who lives alone in a mobile home. How often should he be looked in on?

I like the idea of getting to know his neighbors, along with Meals on Wheels. Also, does he belong to a church? If so, church members could help out by checking in on him. Some churches have lay ministries for the elderly and disabled. The more people you have checking in on him, the better, and that will help counteract social isolation too.

People think that the "oldest" child has some kind of symbolic meaning, it just means you were born before the other kids. Doesn't make you a genius or anything other than the first kid. Our 1st is a girl and she is our executor, even tho her younger brother is attorney. I know my kids. She will handle everything beautifully and with no fuss when the time comes. He'd be a jerk. PLUS, he lives 1000 miles away. If I felt that child #3, also a girl, would do a better job as executrix, she'd be the one. It's about personality & character, not birth order.

In this case, with this gentleman, I think the sister who is MIA is choosing this and dangling a carrot in front of her nose is just childish. If she doesn't want to help, she won't. Period. You CANNOT get people on board who don't wish to be.

Hopefully the poster is finding someone(s) to help check in on her dad. Could be he's perfectly happy being alone, but I stick by my first answer that once a day, someone really checking on him, would be enough--at first. Then evaluate what needs he has from there.

Curious? What does her being the oldest have to do with any of this?

My experience with Meals-on-Wheels was not good. I signed my mother up to give her someone to at least say hello to once a day. She complained that they wouldn't talk to her and the food wasn't very good. I was there one day and the MOW people were using Down Syndrome people to deliver the food to the door. They wouldn't talk to my mother, possibly they couldn't. The food did taste like cardboard. We quit the service. Mom didn't have dementia so I would purchase frozen dinners and cook a lot and freeze it when I was there. She could do breakfast so she managed with the frozen and defrosted food.. I would check into who delivers before signing up.

It's great that you call him daily. Did he or does he attend church? Maybe a pastor or church member could check on him periodically. You only live an hour away, how often do you drive over to see him? Maybe if your sister sees you checking on him she will too. You know the story one sibling is usually the caregiver and maybe she does not want to be the only one. Maybe she is going over to see him and she just doesn't tell you. Ask her. Who is doing his cooking, cleaning, laundry? You said you call more then your sister. How do you know that? Seniors have a tendency to not remember if someone called, stopped by. So, if your dad is telling you this it may not be the way it really is.

He is to an age where stopping in to "check" on him is inadequate. You need people coming in who can spend some time. Seniors will cling to their independence and to that end they may not reveal an Occasional lack of balance, falls, Confusion, depression. I lived over two hours away but spent the night with my parents most every other Saturday for seven years until I was needed as a full time caregiver. Unless you are there over some hours you may not notice Important changes. They can be magicians at faking it. You received some good suggestions. So start there in trying to find people to come see your dad.

If your sister is not stepping up you can not make her. Threatening to alter her inheritance is not a good idea. If your father chooses to alter it that is his business, not yours or hers. It should not be used as a club to beat her into shape. You don't want your dad cared for by someone who resents having to do it.

I have not dealt with Medicaid, but I believe I heard that there were situations when Medicaid would provide a caregiver for X hours on X number of days a week based on a person's need. Such as if they needed help preparing meals, taking their meds correctly, going to the store to grocery shop - daily, necessary skills. You will need to spend some time (two or three nights) with him to be sure if he is struggling with tasks. Stick to the facts. If you pour it on to make him seem too needy they may decide he can't stay alone.

After staying a few days I would meet with sister and tell her what I have discovered. Ask if she can help and what assistance she would feel comfortable providing. Do not accuse or guilt her. Be pleasant, supportive, hear her needs, you are a team together. You will have to accept that she may only be capable of giving less than you expect. That is her call to make.

Sorry, but the sister isn't asked to care for him, just check on him. I agree maybe you can hire someone to look in on him.

I concur with the already stated meals on wheels. Friendly visitor programs. There may also be a visiting nurses program or special needs program through Medicare and the doctor to follow up. Call your local department on aging to research programs and services in your area.

All good answers. One thing we found with my mother, was her meds. We were not sure if she was not taking them or over taking them. She had the daily reminder containers, but I caught her filling the day container right after she took that day. In other words her container was always full. I would ask her if she just took those or if she hadn't taken her meds that day. Sometimes she would just stammer and not be sure. We finally found a pharmacy that would package her meds by date. Yes may cost a tad more, but so worth it knowing when you drop in, you can see they are on the correct day. I would say he needs to be checked on minimum twice a day. My mom was falling and would deny it. We found bruises on her arms etc. She would finally admit she tripped and fell. She had fallen outside as well. May sound like a lot, but such a peace of mind. WE are now living with my mother. It was that or nursing home which she did not want, Hope this helps.

Could you call him at approx the same time each day? Even a 1-2 minute call?
County/city/state social (senior) services?
Does he have a social worker? Can you get one?
In the Mobile home park - talk to staff/administration; post a note on their bulletin board asking for 'check-in' support;
High School-College kid - student come by and look in on him?
Non-Profit organizations and/or churches - ask for friendly visits.
I would focus on all types of networking.
Write up a little index size card of need and keep with you when you are out. You might find bulletin boards at a Safeway or hardware store - or talk to someone. You'll have contact info and short overview of needs ready.
Gena (Touch Matters)

Let me tell you about some of the things you won't see even if you just stop by every day, and definitely not with just a phone call an occasional visit. If they are starting to lose memory, misplace things, eat things they shouldn't, have mood swings, I could go on. Don't tell yourself that you "know your dad" because you call him every day. When my grandma started to show signs of dementia it was a 5 minute episode in 2 days. If you're not there for the 5 minutes, she seems fine except that she's angry all the time for bizarre made up reasons. You can not, however, tell that the reasons are made up unless you're with her every day. So, my suggestion to you is to find someone who can look in on him Every day. I know you probably think that's robbing him of some independence, but it's necessary to catch the problems as they start, whatever they may be.

I was also going to recommend Meals on Wheels. It was a lifesaver for both my mom and dad. Leave a key with a trusted neighbor and hide one somewhere outside. Get all the legal paperwork in order. DNR, power of attorney , etc. Most states these can be downloaded and filled out with a notory. You will need these. Be a signer on his bank account. My mom's branch banker even brought the form to the car for her. Hope this helps.

Linda5156, does your Dad wear an emergency life-line pendent? If not, time to get one for him if you think he will wear it daily. Some elders just don't like those things. Some like the safety, my Dad was so happy when he moved to a senior facility and got one to wear once he noticed other gentlemen in the facility wearing them, too.

As for your sister not wanting to help, and I am not taking her side, but some people aren't meant to be hands-on caregivers. Example, you wouldn't want a relative checking in on Dad and find that he has fallen, and the relative goes into a panic passing out.

And there are cases where the sibling wants to help but the parent doesn't want any part of it, as the parent prefers another sibling to do ALL of the caregiving not realizing the stress they are putting on that one grown child.

What I would do is try to work it out with my sister who lives about 10 minutes away. She doesn't work and perhaps you may have a family meeting and consider giving her a job opportunity by offering to pay her something for her efforts. She would have to drive over there if it's 10 minutes by car, gas definitely cost something so definitely offer to pay her for gas. She might just take you up on it especially since she doesn't work and probably needs the money anyway. If dad is still competent, I'd have a private conversation with dad and see if he'll consider dangling a carrot before the rabbit. You can set up a list of rewards including paying for gas. You can also see if dad will consider the future inheritance, make her earn her share. If she won't help when help is needed then you and your dad can arrange a set of consequences for not helping him when she was needed. It's one thing if you can't be in the picture due to your parents choices but another when you have a good relationship and just refuse to help them when they most need you. She can either work for the rewards or suffer the consequences later. Since she doesn't work, she can easily pop in on dad at least once or twice a day and check on him to make sure he's OK since she has plenty of time on her hands. Unless her car breaks down and she has no transportation, there's no excuse to not pop in on dad. She lives closer than you do and you say you don't get along. I don't know why you don't get along, but it's between you two and you really need to make it work especially now. As the song goes, 'it's too late when we die to admit we don't see eye to eye'. She'll always be your sister like it or not, you don't get to choose your family. Make it work and encourage your sister to help your dad. You're not asking her to take on the full-time task of caregiving, all you're asking is just to check on dad at  very least once a day. Tell her the rewards that are being offered for her efforts and the consequences if she doesn't

I too was going to suggest Meals on Wheels.

You can also contact his local church (or temple?) and sometimes they will have someone that goes out visiting. My father was visited by someone on a regular basis even though he didn't belong to the church and was actually of a different faith.

When I lived alone, a bunch of us singles of varying ages, made sure everyone was called at least once daily.

I'm going to go out on a limb and offer a different suggestion. Even if you and your sister don't get along well, you do have a common parent, and a common interest in his welfare, although you may each have a different perspective on his care.

I get the impression that your concern is in part an imbalance of attention and care between you and your sister. That's understandable, and I won't deny that being a sole caregiver while a sibling does nothing isn't a big irritation.

Since she lives so closely, can you identify something she CAN do that would fit within her abilities and/or limitations? Even if you don't get along, perhaps she could focus on your father, rather than on what YOU feel he might need.

Another option is to become acquainted ( if you're not already ) with his neighbors and ask them to keep an eye on him if he ventures outside, or perhaps just check on him. I've found that good neighbors are willing to do this.

I also have a lock box which emergency personnel or anyone to whom I give the combination can access if there's a concern about his welfare. My father lives alone as well. Every time EMS has been called, they've used this to get in the house while I drive out from about 30 miles away (a 45 minute drive during the day).

Does he get Meals on Wheels? If so, that's one check per day, but he also might develop good relations with the drivers, and they often pay a little bit more attention. I get feedback from our MOW staff whenever a concern arises.

In fact, two of them came to the rescue of my almost 99 year old father fell, and the driver and deliverer helped him up when he fell. Then they called the office and staff alerted me. Those people are literally a "godsend."

MOW also does a semi-annual assessment of recipients, so that's another source of feedback and impartial information on his status.

I believe MOW, as does the VA, have a sort of friendly visitor program by which volunteers visit and check on the elderly. Your county might have a similar program; I recall reading something about what our county might have but I was focusing on a specific service and didn't pay too much attention to any visitor programs.

I would think that somebody should check on him everyday.

Don't be too hard on your sister. My sis lives well within driving distance of our mom and she hasn't seen her in a year. Some people just don't "DO" old.

At that age, I'd like to have someone put eyes on him everyday. He may have issues that he doesn't report or not even realize. I'd try to hire a professional to do it.

I'd hesitate to rely on your sister. If a parent chooses to live alone at that age, it really requires a lot of diligence and daily on hands work for the adult child who lives close by. It's really not fair, ino. If she wants to do it, that's one thing, but, I don't think it should be expected.

You can't force someone to take on more than they are willing or able. Just because sis is the oldest daughter who lives closest shouldn't make her the de facto caregiver, your relationship with your dad is different than hers. I agree with Windy, if you are concerned look into other options.

Unless he's one of those freakishly fit 95 year olds I would be looking in everyday. If sis can't/won't do it, look into hiring home care company for simple wellness checks. What's his health/mental/financial status?