My 92-year-old mother is independent, but sometimes gets finances confused. What do I do?

If she is taking her prescriptions inconsistently, that alone could be causing her problems, depending upon her meds.

I'm still trying to figure out your first statement from the doctor. Did the doctor say that to you "I'm not going to diagnose your mohter with anything because it would cause here to get her driver's license revoked" or did she report to you that's what he said?

I think I'd go with her to next doc's appointment and report what you're seeing.

Food for thought: If Mom hurts/kills someone with her auto, they may sue you too since she lives with you. When an attorney told me this, it was enough for me to force the issue with my then-93 year old Father who lived with me. He doesn't have dementia, but his reflexes were slowed and eyesight poor.
Blessings,
Jamie

BarbBrooklyn...
Thank you for giving me a better overview of what people mean by medications. That helps. She's not seeing an Alzheimer's specialist. I may try to get her back to the Alzheimer's center for further testing. She didn't like the girl there, as you, or someone else said, because the girl had testing that my mother could not handle.

My mother has always had a strong, feisty, & testy personality....and has always had trouble admitting any faults. Sometimes she is much sweeter now with her more child like personality, but she also can get very anxious when confronted with certain things.

Polarbear123...
Thank you for sharing your experiences. These things can be so tricky as to who can do what when. So sorry for your recent loss.

freqflyer...
Thank you for sharing some of those specifics about power of attorney. That's very helpful. I am currently medical power of attorney, and making my sister one also is a good idea.

You may be right about why she chose me to take control of her finances, but I know it's also because she trusts me. She knows I've never been about greed and I'm pretty good with finances. My sister is the same, but sometimes my mother gets an attitude about her that I've never understood, knowing, as I do, how good my sister is. Thank you for your input.

And thank you all! I've only been on here a short time, but I've gotten so many great answers that have really helped me to understand certain things. It's a real blessing. God bless you all.

I'd sure tell that doctor that if he refuses to make a diagnosis because of the driver's license issue, then he could and should be sued if she kills or maims someone.

Rosyday...
Now that we cancelled her Macy's and Bloomingdales cards I don't think she has any bills. She lives with me so all the bills are mine and I provide her with a cell phone on my plan. She stopped driving so she doesn't have the insurance bill anymore.

I am going to monitor her bank acct to make sure she's not caught up in anything. She did have a recurring charge for a political candidate, but she said she cancelled that herself. Ill be checking for that. I found out about it after the fact...if she did actually cancel it.

Thanks for your input. It's always good to hear of others experiences.

Is she still able to drive safely?

What do you think she should be diagnosed with? Do you think she has dementia? Not everyone who gets her finances mixed up (I'm raising my hand) is cognitively impaired. Does she have other symptoms?

What kind of care does she need? You say she in independent in your home. What does that mean? Can she fix her own lunch? Is she mobile? Can she handle all her toileting needs herself? Does she take medications? Who manages those? I'm wondering what kind of place she would need if she were to leave your home?

I usually go to her Dr appts with her. And my sister, who is an LPN nurse, will go to her Dr appts with her when she is visiting from Chattanooga,TN. I'm in Tampa, FL. My sister is a help when she visits. And her and her husband have taken my mother for visits in TN twice. Once for 2 weeks. And once for 6 weeks. That one was a great break!

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
 It is important that your Mom is diagnosed, the doctor can give medication that can help her and it will help calm her down, it sure helped my Mom when he gave her the right medication.
 I was with my Dad when he drove, it was scary, it is important that she not drive, she could get hurt and others too. My brother had to take a part out my Dad's car to ensure he did not drive, but he also left a note on his car telling him why he cannot drive. He goes out to the garage once in awhile to check it out. It's hard, but for her own safety this must be done. 
Perhaps your Mom needs a new doctor, although I can imagine that might be tough to get another one in this day and age. Praying for things to work out for you.

BarbBrooklyn...

Thank you so much for what you said, that "there is no effective treatment for dementia". I had always heard there were drugs and dietary changes that could slow the process down. I was frustrated that the Dr was letting years go by without diagnosing and treating her. So that helps me to understand his reluctance to diagnose her. And, are you saying there is no effective treatment for Alzheimer's as well? I have known there is no cure for either.

And also what you said about the paper and pencil tests makes a lot of sense to me. At the Alzheimer's center at the University I was not allowed to be in the room during testing, but I believe it was partly a paper and pencil test. And at the Dr's office it is only a mini mental exam of some questions asked.

We did have a bit of a breakthrough yesterday. She said she had thought about what I said about her putting someone else in control of her finances. I had suggested my sister, a specific friend she trusts, or myself. She said she would be willing to do that! She said she would prefer me to do that, but I would rather it be someone else...not so close to the situation at home. Not of that's her preference I can't say no. Of course, it remains to be seen if she will follow thru with it, but it was encouraging.

Thank you again, Barb, for the input. It's really helpful.

Jjariz...
Thank you for telling me that. She is not driving now. And, while she occasionally talks about getting another car, she mostly accepts that she should not be driving. It's been about 8 months since she stopped driving. Thank you for your input!