Two years ago I had to leave helping my mother as her constant physical and emotional abuse of me had me on the verge of suicide. My siblings, who she loves (unlike me), refused to help in any way even though they are in better positions financially and otherwise than me to do so. When I was there, my mother would talk to people not in the room, accuse me of things not happening etc. I brought it up to family (who again never see her whereas I was with her 24/7 at that time) and dismissed it, telling my mother who went for a brief appointment with some doctor who told her she was fine without doing any testing. I was concerned for her safety, but since my suicide wouldn't be helping either of us, I left. Since then a few pieces of mail arrived for me that slipped through the forwarding and address change cracks. Sometimes she'll tell me and sometimes she won't. If she emails and tells me and I say you can just throw that out she'll mail it paying express postage. If I say it's something I need and offer to pay postage she'll "drop it in the mailbox" but I never get it. This one cost me $1,500, which was hard for me, to fix. This is just one stupid example.
On business things (I'm the trustee for her trust etc) each year I have to go through hell with her challenging me on why her lawyer set up the trust so she pays taxes while she's alive. She thinks I should pay the taxes because as trustee, I "stole all her money." (The trust beneficiaries are me, my siblings and their children and spouses - I'm single and childless. My siblings, though successful PhD professionals and a housewife with a law degree accuse me too even though I've explained the trust to them several times). I have to send her the interest statement so say can pay the trust taxes (it was a measly $197 this year) and sent at least 30 emails challenging me on it again this year. She's also demanded that I buy her a home (paying in full with cash) with the trust money. It's an irrevocable trust that prohibits that - even though her income and assets are sufficient for her to buy a home without the trust money. She then told the rest of the family, who she's alienated from me with her lies about me, that I won't help her. I could go on, but this is just some of the stuff that happens.
Based on what I saw when I was there and her bad financial dealings (giving her credit card to internet hackers etc, giving $30,000 check, which was cashed, to insurance salesman who came to her door and then disappeared) I truly fear she has cognitive impairment but I know my siblings (who manipulate her easily for their own unnecessary gain) - and her - will challenge it.
Most days I tell myself there is nothing I can do and I just have to watch the train wreck happen, while underneath I'm racked with guilt over not helping or protecting her (which I spent a lifetime doing so much that I didn't create a life or family for myself as I wanted). Or do I help her?
By way of background, I'm the scapegoat of the family - as well as the only one who's helped her over the decades. She's also screwed me over in similar and worse ways my whole life, so maybe she's putting on the crazy act for me just to screw me over time and time again. Also, I put all my stuff in storage across the country 4 years ago when I went to help her thinking I'd be back in a few months. Downsizing her wound up taking 2 years and I was so broken by it all, I've not gotten myself a place to live or my stuff yet, so I can't take her in or help her financially.)
So do I help her and if so how or do I just watch idly as she goes downhill, to surely be blamed by all those who won't step up to help when something goes wrong?