My mother has always been self absorbed and resentful of my handicapped father, who was a saint to put up with her and struggled with his own care needs to avoid her verbal abuse and ridicule. She plays martyr for "taking care of him" and he gave in to her whims to keep her quiet. I am now left with a 91 year old toddler who refuses to admit that her memory is failing and insists on going grocery shopping even though it is beyond her capabilities, both physically and mentally. I have been getting her grocery list over phone, ordering online, picking up and delivering to her which has worked out wonderfully. She has been in her senior living independent apartment, which is beautiful, with maid service and meals during COVID so I offered to take her to a smaller grocery store today for an outing. Her health is perfect, other than arthritis. I have been in and out of the hospital with pancreatitis and had major Whipple surgery, and now more complications. I am 67 and have been helping my parents for over 30 years, as a single parent.
I have been happily remarried for 12 years. My dear husband who is 70 , also had a major heart attack with emergency triple bypass 2 years ago. His recent blood work came back abnormal and when I told her this, she smiled and said , "Well I've been a widow for 8 years." No compassion as usual. When I got remarried she was very angry, because I would no longer be at her beck and call. When we take our one or two week vacation, or to visit our grandkids out of town finally after COVID vaccines, she tells me that I am selfish, even though we have invited her along, which she has always refused. She has told me that she hates my husband. I have decided that there will be no more phone calls. I have sent a schedule as to when I will be calling for her grocery list and when I will be delivering. It will just be a business arrangement. That is the only way I can survive.
I don't want to hate her but do. I have one brother who has removed himself from her life 8 years ago due to her nastiness and verbal abuse. My nightmare is that she will live to be 100 but put me in the ground long before that. She even refuses to listen to her Dr. who wants to start her on anxiety meds as she also is constantly nervous and second guessing and challenging everything. The grocery store trip today was a disaster...took her over an hour to pick out 5 items, (I just delivered 125.00 of groceries to her 4 days ago) ...she lost her keys IN HER PURSE and took 20 minutes to find them because she refused to let me help. I found them immediqtely because she zipped them into a compartment after I told her I could hold them for her so she wouldn't have to look for them. All this was my fault because... Of course...
I even got chastized and blamed, after she told me she was looking forward to an outing but I MADE HER GO! Sorry for long post. I still am having chest pains 8 hours later...thanks for letting me vent!