lmoreno Asked March 2011

My 90-year-old father-in-law's "girlfriend" who's 40 years younger, will not move out despite several requests from him. She has spent most of his money and he filed bankruptcy. How can we get her out?

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she spent most of his money on some Real Estate thing. He has paid for her childern's college tuitions. Do we have to go through the Landlord/tenent process to get her out, or is there an Elder laws that will apply since it is clearly not a Landlord/tenent issue.

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newtonjoyce Mar 2011
It's just a mess, and singles may marry in hopes that the new spouse will help them when they are elderly (I think that is what my dad was thinking since this gal was 15 yrs younger) and then it blew up in his face, or mine in this case. He wouldn't listen to reason from anyone and always called her a fine person...even though she blew through an inheritance from a relative as well as committing her first husband to the asylum and blowing through that $ before digging into his pockets! Note to self: If and when I am single...listen to my children and friends regarding red flags if I am in a relationship with someone.
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igloo572 Mar 2011
Re-Marriage for the elderly is usually a really bad financial decision and for those in the new "older" 60 & 70's it has it's pitfalls too.To collect social security from your spouse at their rate you have to be married 10yrs, so that becomes a gamble statistics-wise. That's what's newtonjoyce's faux MIL found out. Also if their old spouse didn't marry and uses the ex's SS for their retirement it's a mess of paperwork when the newer one does the same.

Social security is so entrenched in the "man makes the money the woman doesn't really work" with actuarial tables set in the 1960's when people worked for companies, it's a challenge when you apply and your situation is not the 1960's normal.
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newtonjoyce Mar 2011
My dad had a girlfriend for 8 yrs. She wanted him to sign over his power of attorney to her and vise versa although she constantly nagged him about having Altzheimers. They married and a few months later, they annuled once she found out her Social Security was less. He paid for an educational nursing program for her, car etc. She was then unable to find a job because of her bad health. Once his retirement was used up, she let him go. He was her 'sugardaddy'. She now has somebody else. He now lives with me on SS money only. He has dementia but not Altzheimers.
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igloo572 Mar 2011
Also you mentioned "a real estate thing". All those records are public, so if she bought property you can easily get a copy from the courthouse to see the transaction history. All this can be done on-line too. You might need to run her name in various spellings and with and without middle initial to get it but it should be easy. It's in the conveyance or assessor's database & office of the county or parish where the property is.

Now if she bought real estate as a LLC or Inc and you don't know the name go to the Sec of State corporate database. The owners and registered agents have to be listed. You put her name(s) and your dad's in this way to find a match. Most states go back 10 years. A treasure trove of information. To get a copy of the actual corp. filing - which details ownership,history,
attorney who field, annual report, etc,. you have to pay whatever per page. It's cheap. And if this ends up going to court, your attorney is going to have his paralegal do it anyway and bill you for it. So you can do it and save some $$.

If she has been taking care of him for years and has been a companion for years and can show a pattern of his viewing her children as a part of his family or has happy pictures of him with her kids at Holidays or vacations - then the court will likely view her favorably. So you need to have your facts to present if this goes to court.
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igloo572 Mar 2011
So Papi is a silly old fool who likes 40 yr old whatever's. If he appears cognizant and competent and "cialised", then that's been his choice. He won't be the first and nor the last to find himself in the poorhouse for p****.

Just think if he's now actually destitute, he can qualify for Medicaid and still have his ED prescriptions covered by Medicare for "pulmonary hypertension". Happy old roosters!

My guess is that he really isn't truly asking her to leave and all that is just lipservice to you and the family who he well knows probably can't stand her and make that obvious to him & her.

There's so much that all this could be and if this has been going on for years (which since he supports her kids is the case??), then she could be his common-law wife depending on the state or they could have presented themselves as domestic partners.

Who is his DPOA, MPOA? If this wasn't done and if he's the type who won't give you accurate information or let you look at his finances, you will need to get an attorney to go through a guardianship or conservatorship which involves a judge, a review and perhaps an outside interim guardian appointed.
These are sticky - you need an attorney for it.

If he did declare bankruptcy, that document can be a great source of information. Bankruptcy info anyone can get - you just need to go on-line to the US Trustee's site for your region and drill-down from there and pay for the transcript. You can also go to the bankruptcy clerks office to get a copy - this will be in the federal building in the closest big city to where he lives.I think all states use this with a couple of exceptions (AL & NC).
One thing to look for is if she was listed in the federally required pre & post credit counseling for the bankruptcy filing. This will give you an indicator if they considered themselves "coupled"
to any degree legally.

Good luck!
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There are quite a few missing pieces of information. Depending on the state that you live in, you may have to go through the eviction process and have her formally evicted. Does your father-in-law exhibit any kind of dementia, memory loss? I would also suggest that you speak with Adult Protective Services or the equivilent in your area (any social service or law enforcement agency should have their number) and request an investigation for potential financial abuse. Add this to the previous comment. You don't mention how able-bodied he is, but if there is ANY chance that he is suffering physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, or neglect (especially if he needs assistance preparing food, eating, or in basic hygine) then you should call law enforcement and have them intervene immediately. Good luck.
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toadballet1 Mar 2011
I wish this was not the first time we have heard of this situation in our forum. These type of things are messy and get drawn out, but in the end you have to do what is best for your FIL.
Start with adult protective services in his area. Tell them the situation and ask if they can intercede. Mention that he has asked her to move out and she refuses. He may have to file a restraining order.
There is also some missing information. You said it isn't a landlord/tenant arrangement. Are they renting and, if so, is she also a tenant listed on the lease? If he owns, does she have anything on paper that states that she can stay, or that she is now a co-owner? Can she claim that she is his common-law wife? All things need to be considered before proceeding.
In the interim, is there anyone in his or her family who can intercede, in a calm manner, and ask that she leave before all of the drama takes place? Maybe she isn't taking him seriously.
Who has his POA? That person should look into his finances, bank records, and credit report. If there is any wrongdoing, this should be reported to the authorities and at least be documented. However, if you FIL insists that these were "gifts" there is not much you can do.
Good luck and I hope this person can be extracted from his life.
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