He wet the bed last night and watched me wash the sheets and mattress covers and three barriers today, then intentionally pulls down his diaper and wets the bed before he went to bed- after he used the toilet. I am so frustrated.

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To help with the frustration: remove the word "intentionally" from any sentence to do with your father's actions. Dementia and intention, as you and I understand the meaning of intention, are mutually exclusive terms.

That done, what you're left with is a wet bed. Which is still a mess and a nuisance and hard work (usually at the most inconvenient moment possible), but is a lot less soul-destroying than the suspicion that your lovely dad is being a malicious sadistic gremlin.

By the bye. That he pulled down his diaper and wet the bed after using the toilet but (presumably) before settling down for the night makes me wonder if he's just too anxious about the whole subject of toileting. Suppose he knows he has to get this right, but doesn't know how any longer?

If there has been heated discussion, I should try not commenting at all for a while. Instead keep strictly to positive, simple prompts to use the bathroom on a schedule, and deal with all accidents as cheerfully (or at least wordlessly) as you possibly can.
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Tothill Sep 2020
Fantastic reply.

When I cleaned my Dad's bathroom last month, I did not blame him for the state of it, he is incapable of aiming accurately, would not consider sitting to pee and is physically unable of cleaning it. I did however blame my brother, with whom Dad lives for not cleaning it for him.
My husband and I have a friend that is going through the same thing with her brother.

Try limited fluid intake the closer to bed time.
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Whatever this is, what it is NOT is intentionally done to make you unhappy. It may be time to consider placement so that 24/7 caregiving doesn't break you. I am so sorry. None of this will get better or easier.
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Have you tried putting a bedside commode next to his bed, so he doesn't have to travel far to use the restroom? There are also several medications that can help with frequency of urinating. And his urologist can try putting botox into his bladder to try and calm things down too. If that doesn't help, he can have a supra pubic catheter (permanent catheter) put in as well.
I had to try all of the above with my husband and in the end the supra pubic catheter was a Godsend, as I only had to empty his bag twice a day, and didn't have to worry about cleaning up any more pee messes. Good Luck.
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Dementia is a gradual decline.

One day, or one part of a day he may get it right, other times he may not get to the bathroom in time, or not remember how to find it at all.

Urgency issues are common. Being able to concentrate on 'holding on' while also concentrating on finding the bathroom just too hard. This is part of dementia & it will get worse.

I would suggest trying a urinal bottle. Keep it in view, one close to the bed, one close to his favorite chair, one in the bathroom. This may save your bed/floors & keep him as independant as he can.

Or he may need regular toilet promoting by his caregiver. On waking, mid morning, after meals, evening & bedtime.
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