My 90 year old father wants to live at home. Any suggestions?


My 90 year old father is currently in a nursing home, after a fall caused by Parkinson’s inbalance. He has fallen more than a dozen times in the last 2 years, without having to be hospitalized. He is hard of hearing and unable to see much without a magnifying glass. He wants to go home and live alone. At home, we provided his meals, took him to appointments, and put his medicines in a daily divider according to times. But he would forget to take them, or worse, take a double dose because he gets his days mixed up! A male friend gave him a shower once a week and he “cleaned himself up daily”otherwise. We live 3 miles away and see him once a day.

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Thank you so much blannie, Eyerishlass, and Hugemom.
Helpful Answer (1)

I agree with everyone here. We’ve often said, and I experienced it myself, that when our LO says “home”, most often they mean their childhood home. Keep him where he’s at—it’s the safest way.
Helpful Answer (2)

Since your father has fallen at least 12 times in the last 2 years that's enough of a reason to keep him where he is. At his age and with his health he just cannot live at home unless he can afford around-the-clock in-home care.

I used to work in home healthcare and I saw many patients move into facilities and not one of them wanted to go. I would sit by while they would construct elaborate plans on how they can stay at home and stay safe. It was always very sad. If it were me I'd do the same thing too. Desperately try to come up with some arrangement so I could stay at home but for many people it just isn't safe or reasonable to stay at home.

Your dad needs to be in an environment where he is monitored 24h/day. One of these days he's going to fall and he won't be able to get back up.
Helpful Answer (3)

Your father clearly needs to stay in the nursing home. Often when our parents age, their reasoning ability goes away. Parkinson's typically includes a kind of dementia at the end and your dad may have that or just a loss of cognitive function and reasoning ability. So you become the parent and have to look out for your father's best interests. Just like with a 2-year old child who believes he can cross the street by himself, you'd say no. Your child thinks he's perfectly capable but you know he's not.

My 95-year mom thought she could manage her meds on her own until she didn't take her coumadin for three days and got a blood clot in her foot that required a lot of extra care. At that point, I had to step in and bring in help for her. She didn't like it, but she needed it and I overrode her desire to continue on her own.

Leave dad where he is, even though it's not exactly what he wants. His safety is the most important concern at this point in time.
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