9 months pregnant and I'm getting guilt trips from my mom. Advice?

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I am about to have a baby and my mother is constantly giving me guilt trips. I spend so much time with her every week and whenever I have something else to do that doesn't involve her she starts telling me now hurt she is, etc. etc. I spend more time w/her than my husband. She refuses to meet people or get involved in anything where she could meet other people. However, when I have plans w/my husband or a friend, then she feels left out and starts telling me how unwelcome she feels. I understand she relocated from another state to be close to us so I do a lot of extra things to try and integrate her and she doesn't want to make an effort to meet people. She only wants me and when I"m not available it's drama. She thinks doing our laundry, cleaning at my house is help (which is is and I"m grateful for) but that is just her easy way out of not living her own life. She is only 74 and perfectly capable. She using working around our house as an excuse not to live her own life. I am worried when the baby is here that will be an additional excuse not to do anything for herself. By the way I see her a lot and only asked for one day a week on the weekend to spend alone w/my husband. She thinks if on that day my husband and I end up just staying home that it is rude that she cannot come over. I meant one day of privacy, alone time with my husband (no visitors) just one day to have w/each other and it has turned into an issue for her. I don't know what to do anymore. I have no energy for this right now. Instead of this being a happy time waiting for my baby, it's just stress and drama.

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By the numbers:
74 is not that old.
1 day a week is not too much to ask.
3 is a crowd
Stick by your guns. Mom will eventually accept.
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Also, for the senior centers, many facilities do offer free transportation to and from. If your mom attends often, she doesn't have to rely on you much for the emotional support and that gives you more time for your baby and hubby :-)
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Benefits of Senior Centers: ehow benefits-senior-centers
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To the original poster. If you are still reading this, I suggest taking your mom to a senior center in your area where she can connect with others in her age group and that way she won't feel so clingy. She may make some new friends. Senior centers are free and have a variety of activities and hold parties, let her give it a try and see how she likes it.
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PS, I sure hope she has had that baby by now or it has to be the longest pregnancies in history, one for the medical books!
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Hmmm females often form a cluster around an imminent delivery. Both her action and your reaction are very instinctive. Get in a rocking chair, the motion will help move the baby into proper position. Once that infant arrives, your mother will be fascinated and drawn to care for both of you. She might even ignore you and focus on the baby. Let her do that so you can take a nap.
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Looks like this post was from a few months ago, hoping that hbibkefriend and her husband are enjoying their new baby with minimal stress and interference from needy mom. I agree with orangeblossom that marriage means primary focus should be on your husband and child. No one needs to give you permission for that except yourself. My boyfriend's mom is equally needy. When he explained to her that Friday & Saturday nights would be our "date nights" (meaning, she is not invited), she continually tried to bargain her way in. I once asked her if she remembered when she was dating her husband how often she brought her husband's mother along on their dates. She immediately responded "Never", but didn't see the connection. I found it amusing in a twisted sort of way, but realize that logic is not the most useful tool in an Alzheimer's scenario. She now is doing a better job of accepting it, but still gets anxious when we leave, wonders when we are coming back, and when we return, you would think she'd been left alone for 3 years and not 3-4 hours. Yikes.
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Dear Hbib, Can you and your husband have a talk with your Mom? I think if your husband makes it clear that HE does not approve of the way she is treating you personally, nor of her unwillingnes to live her own life - especially with the impending birth of your baby, she may shut up and put up for awhile. At the very least, she needs a firm but loving explanation that your married life does not revolve around her, and that although you appreciate the help she gives you, there is no reason why she needs to be at your home so much. I think you hit the nail on the head when you stated "She using working around our house as an excuse not to live her own life. I am worried when the baby is here that will be an additional excuse not to do anything for herself." It is also rather telling when you stated that you "only ASKED for one day a week on the weekend to spend alone w/my husband'. Why should you have to ASK for permission to spend any time at all with your husband? You are married to HIM, not HER! Has her coming to live near you possibly unconsciously put you back into the Child to Adult mindset, when in reality you should be operating in the mindset of Adult to Adult? Parents can screw with our heads that way if you let them!
These are crucial issues coming to a head at a vulnerable and delicate time for you. By all means, if time permits before the baby comes, I would team up with Hubby and present a united front to your mother. She needs to understand that as much as you love her and want her near you, she must live her own life and find her own outlets for socialization and activities, and that you and your husband will insist on resuming your private lives without tiptoeing around her. If her feelings are hurt, that is her problem, not yours. Once she thinks it over, she may understand. Best of luck with Mom, and Blessings with the new baby!
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It sounds like your mother is emotionally smothering you, this is not natural. She is using you and your apparent good natured husband as an excuse not to live her own life. She is only 74 and sounds active, I know it is hard but tell her exactly how you feel, with your husband and any other family members that are aware of her smothering behavior. What's the worst that can happen she gets her feelings hurt and leaves you alone for a while. Where ever you live I am sure there are senior citizen centers, there is loads of things she can do with people of her own age. She needs friends. Try telling her gently that this constant visiting is not working, have some ideas of what she can do, and then give her days she can come over and days she can't. Yes she will pout and probably cry but it's better to give her the rules now! Your baby is coming and you don't want her smothering you little one too. Take back your power!
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