I am going on my 8th live in caregiver. It isn't me. I FINALLY realized that THIS is normal when hiring someone. Where do I find someone?

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They have their own agenda. My own experience has been: they are bossy, disrespectful, harsh, loud spoken at times, will say they will stay for the duration and tell ME what they want. The last one I thought was finally the one. She was kind to my mother, patient, etc. After almost 5 months she asked for a whole MONTH off. I told her no...I could do two weeks if she found a fill in (which she did) because she wanted to visit her son and also have medical tests done. She did not CALL...she texted me that she had to quit because she had more testing to be done. I know she is lying because she is still visiting her son. She had her own agenda. She could of been honest. The fill in is still here but she screwed her as well, because WE had to contact HER to find out what the hell was going on and when she was returning. The instability is killing me. This one I really like, she's open, etc. but not sure she can stay more than 4 months!! I have spent more than two years interviewing people over and over. I don't trust anyone anymore. I CAN NOT help my mom with filling in because I did it alone, by myself with no help from siblings and when I get back into caregiver role, it stirs up all the resentment from getting NO HELP from them. I just CAN NOT afford to have any more anger...there is no managing it. I was burned out and am done doing the job. I love my mother but I did my time, so to speak. It's their turn and they will never help. I spoke with my therapist about this and she said I was responsible for managing my emotions. She doesn't get it. I did it, I killed myself doing it, emotionally and physically and can NOT do more than one day of it. It reminds me of how abandoned and isolated I was and how it made me literally sick. NOBODY gets what it does to you over time. UNLESS YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED IT!!! Where do I find someone? I live at the Jersey shore. PLEASE... if anyone can recommend anyone (reliable) please get in touch with me!! I am at my wits end. I can't spend the rest of my life interviewing people who come and go. Thank you. Message me. Thank you.

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People at the lower end of the income scale typically have complicated lives. It's just the way it is. If you can't adapt to their complicated needs, you need to hire an agency that has enough workers to cover when there is a problem with you usual caregiver.
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" I spoke with my therapist about this and she said I was responsible for managing my emotions. She doesn't get it. " But surely she wasn't suggesting that you get back into caregiving? Or was she?
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noellecat1, I agree with BarbBrooklyn above, to go through a professional caregiving agency.

Think back to when you were doing all the caregiving without any help. Thus, the live-in caregiver is going through the very same thing. It is exhausting work just for one Miperson, so no wonder there is a revolving door when it comes to this type of job.

It is so much better to have an Agency that will send out 3 shifts of caregivers. Thus when the caregiver is finished with her shift, she has a chance to go home, kick her shoes off, and relax. So the next day she will be refreshed.

And if a caregiver is unable to make her shift, the Agency will call out to other caregivers to see if they want that temporary shift.

I had use Home Instead for my Dad and I had zero complains. The same caregiver came each morning for over a year until he passed, it gave my Dad a sense of routine. Mine you I did have a variety of caregivers come through so Dad could later pick who he had the most in common so they could talk :)

The Agency was licensed, bonded, and had workman comp for their employees. Note that the cost was expensive but worth every penny, in my opinion.
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Go through an agency, I think is the answer.

I'm so sorry that you're having such difficulties. Truly.
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