This is my father in law, we need to go away for about a week to get our car. We need to get car in NJ, problem is we live in Nevada. We intend to get car and drive it home. We assume this will take us 5 days total. Can we leave Dad alone? He is 89 years old, memory is not that great anymore. I told my husband I can find care for his father because he is on Medicaid easy. My husband is very confident that his father can take care of the house, himself, and the cats. His memory is not the greatest now. We do have nurses coming in 3 times a week to take care of his needs for 2 hours each, and we are his caretakers. I think we can not do this because of us being the primary caretakers and leaving him alone. So most of his time will be alone, he has life alert, but will we get in trouble for leaving him alone for that amount of time? I think there is a law saying that, and I can't get it in my husband head about that. I hate to say this that my in law will not do what we ask even if it is written down to help him remember. How can I make him understand?

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An Amtrak value ticket from Las Vegas to Newark is $289. Ride the train to NJ and drive the car back to Nevada while someone stays with Dad.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to TNtechie

Do both of you need to go get the car?

There are ways to have it sent or brought to you.

What if something happened to both of you on this trip? Then what? Do you have a plan B in place?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to gladimhere

Hi, Chris. You don’t need to keep posting the same question a number of times. We all try to keep up with and answer questions.

Why does your husband feel that his dad can handle being on his own? Truly, if he could take care of himself, would he be living with you? What if he fell? What if he turned the stove on and forgot? What if there was a fire? Could he remember to dial 911? What if he became ill and the nurse wasn’t scheduled to come that day? What if he wandered outside and either locked himself out or forgot where he was and kept on going? Why does your husband want to take a chance that one of these things might happen? Is it a masculinity thing? Is he afraid that having help to keep Dad safe makes both of them less of a man? You know leaving his dad alone will most likely prove disastrous. Document that you have tried to find a respite place for him. Write down who you called to make arrangements for this. Speak frankly to the Visiting Nurses and tell them you tried your best to get your husband to agree to respite care for his dad but he adamantly refused. And cross your fingers that you don’t come home to a tragedy. In that case, husband has no one to blame but himself.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Ahmijoy

I've found that some men can take things better from an outsider than from their spouse - ask the hired caregivers their opinion and what could happen if they find your FIL left on his own.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to cwillie

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