Not sure how to shorten this but I'll try....my younger sister lives near my mom and has been the one to help her with everything from groceries to doctor's appts., house issues, etc. Mom is of sound mind and body and aside from not driving for the most part manages. However, she has become more feeble in the last few years and has challenges with dizzy spells and a few other issues.
My older brother and I are on the opposite side of the country. We each want to help from afar and have our strengths in different areas. However, my sister (who is caring for mom in person) has not spoken withe me in a year and my brother in 3 years. I recently went out to visit my mom for a few weeks. Not only would my sister not even come to the house because I was there, but when I reached out in email before the visit to say I hoped we could talk so she could fill me in on any details I should know to best help mom =during my visit, I got a very passive/aggressive response and clearly no desire on her part to talk.
My mom is backed into a corner with all of this because she now depends on my sister for everything and is afraid to ruffle her feathers because my sister won't speak with her for several days or more, which has happened in the past. This stresses my mom out beyond belief and especially now that she depends on her for everything. Unfortunately because this dynamic is so ingrained for so long, my mom defends my sister's unacceptable behavior, which in turn is alienating myself and my brother from my mom. The whole situation is becoming increasingly more problematic.
My sister would never agree to do any type of mediation or a family meeting, or anything along those lines because she has her heels dug so firmly in the ground and flat out refuses. So again, my mom is stuck with this situation and my brother and my hands are tied.
I wondered if anyone has had a similar situation and if you managed to somehow resolve it how did you go about it. All my brother and I want is for there to be harmony and for us to be able to help my mom also. There are many things we can both do from afar, and I was doing a fair amount until my sister stopped speaking with me because she would ask me to order things, make calls, etc. But now there is zero communication.
Last, but definitely not least, my mom's short-term memory has declined significantly. So, for example, by the time she told me about her dizzy spells they had been happening for 3-4 months. She has had 2 occassions where she's fainted and ended up in the hospital for several days, so this is something that could be a critical issue. No communication from my sister about this or any other health issues with my mom. Zero. So therefore my brother and I both have to rely on my mom a the sole information source when she struggles a lot with short term memory and recalling who she told what to when. This is an unecessary burden and stress to my mom that could be avoided if my sister would communicate with at least one of us regarding my mom's health issues, meds, doctors, etc. Would love to know if anyone has suggestions on how to resolve this mess. Thanks!