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My mother in law is 87 years old and physically healthy. Not sure if it is the mental illness or her culture but she does not believe in western medicine. She has been verbally abusive to my husband, her only son, for all his life. She has little friends because she has serious boundary issues and pushes people away. She believes that something is wrong with them and it is never her. Her relatives (sister, nieces & nephews) want nothing to do with her, well unless they need money. My husband's father, I suspect, realized how mentally ill this woman is and took off not long after he was born.


Lately she has been pestering my husband to move in. We have tried to live with her in the past but it was next to impossible with the snooping, meddling and stealing. She would at times take things of ours, like a hairbrush, and defiantly claim it as hers because she bought it (at least she thought so). She has been extremely toxic to our blended family while the kids were growing up. I have children from a prior marriage who she told our son aren't really his siblings and made fun of one of them who had a weight issue.


I am somewhat concerned about her mostly because of her age. She has alienated a lot of people. She claims to be depressed and says living with us will make her feel better but I know it wont. She has been manipulative in the past and I suspect this "depression" as further manipulation. She has done well for herself financially so it isn't like she needs help with that. I feel bad because she is older but I keep reminding myself that she will wreak havoc on our family if she comes to live with us. I dont know if there are any kind of resources out there for her like case management? The thing is she believes she is fine but that there is something wrong with everybody else.


Thanks in advance for any feedback!

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"History repeats itself"....
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You should be concerned about more than MIL’s age. Do not allow MIL to move in.

As I-forget-who once said, “When somebody shows you who they are, believe them.”
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Don't let her in, and push her to make another choice. Tell her about 'Teresa Ann, Care Advisor' whose advert is up on the screen as I write, and get her to find out about other options. She might get interested if she goes to see them, and she might like to feel that she is an important customer with lots of choices. It also gives you another reply as well as 'no', if she doesn't bother to find out her alternatives.
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If she has caused problems in the past she will do it again.

Don't let her move in, but you know this!

Do what the others here are telling you!
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You know the answer, she will make your life a miserable and that of all your children too. Do not let her into your home.
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don't do it! sounds like she likes to be in the midst of drama. maybe an independent living facility would be ideal. there are activities, socializing and trips that may avert her attention from causing havoc in your home.
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What is your husband's take on having his mother live with him?

I say him, because clearly, if she moves in, you and your children will need to leave.
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How about assisted living facility, if she has done well for herself this may be the answer. No more housework, meals and activities, also she may just find a friend or two.
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