How do I deal with this when parents are showing signs of dementia?
Mom is always "fine" and the only reason they are in ALF is because of my Dad. She will never come to terms with the situation. It has been nearly 5 years.
Let the facility handle your mother . If they aren’t able to take care of her incontinence then Mom will need Memory care. Your Mom is one of many with dementia who think they are “ fine “.
If mom is incontinent and it's an issue at the ALF, then the ALF administration will call YOU as her POA and tell you it's time to increase their care level. Or mom's care level, at least. The ALF is not going to allow mom to reek of urine or be walking around soaking wet, etc, bc it affects the quality of life for ALL residents as well as wrecking furniture and cushions in the facility. If and when Memory Care Assisted Living is necessary, administration will recommend a move, too.
My mother did not believe she was incontinent and needed to wear Depends either, until one day she emptied her bladder fully on the AL elevator. That embarrassed her to the point she began wearing the briefs from that day forward.
You will likely not "convince" mom of anything. Only administration will, or having an embarrassing moment to deal with. Anosognosia is real.
Many in assisted living have early stages of dementia, and other problems. Your parents are in care now. If you are curious how things are going with and for them then make an appointment with administration. You say they are there five years. That is called "adapting" (just don't expect it to be without complaint, because as my bro, in his ALF, observed "Complaining is what they all DO). Do know, however, that YOUR complaints, when the facility is not seeing them, may bump up costs in care levels I-IV a whole lot, resulting in your parent inability to afford ALF. It may be best to allow your parents this minimal privacy as they deal with this issue on their own, unless you see signs they are NOT dealing with it; if that's the case the facility should be seeing those same signs as they kind of LOOK for things to bump up level of care.
I am curious why you are having such a problem when your parents and their facility are apparently not (of, if they are, you haven't told us about it). Can you elaborate a bit more?
Gently I suggest you contemplate as to how YOU are doing in coming to terms with the situation. It has been nearly 5 years. Big hugs to you and mom and dad.
Your Mom may have Anosognosia, also called "lack of insight," which can be a symptom of dementia or mental illness. It impairs a person's ability to understand and perceive his or her illness. People often mistake it for denial.
You may need to pay for more services for them in AL to make sure they're getting the proper daily care, or transition one or both of them to MC. Have you had a discussion with the admins at the facility?
If they aren’t able to take care of her incontinence then Mom will need Memory care. Your Mom is one of many with dementia who think they are “ fine “.
But you CAN control how you react to it.
My mother did not believe she was incontinent and needed to wear Depends either, until one day she emptied her bladder fully on the AL elevator. That embarrassed her to the point she began wearing the briefs from that day forward.
You will likely not "convince" mom of anything. Only administration will, or having an embarrassing moment to deal with. Anosognosia is real.
Your parents are in care now.
If you are curious how things are going with and for them then make an appointment with administration. You say they are there five years. That is called "adapting" (just don't expect it to be without complaint, because as my bro, in his ALF, observed "Complaining is what they all DO).
Do know, however, that YOUR complaints, when the facility is not seeing them, may bump up costs in care levels I-IV a whole lot, resulting in your parent inability to afford ALF. It may be best to allow your parents this minimal privacy as they deal with this issue on their own, unless you see signs they are NOT dealing with it; if that's the case the facility should be seeing those same signs as they kind of LOOK for things to bump up level of care.
I am curious why you are having such a problem when your parents and their facility are apparently not (of, if they are, you haven't told us about it). Can you elaborate a bit more?
Gently I suggest you contemplate as to how YOU are doing in coming to terms with the situation. It has been nearly 5 years.
Big hugs to you and mom and dad.
In other words, is it "costing" anything for you to go along with her delusion (likely anosgnosia, as Geaton points out) that she's "fine"?
You may need to pay for more services for them in AL to make sure they're getting the proper daily care, or transition one or both of them to MC. Have you had a discussion with the admins at the facility?