May of this year I moved in with my competent 85 yr. old male friend that I’ve known for 15+ years. We've always gotten along great & have long in-depth conversations about anything & everything. He’s like my best friend, and I his. He asked me to move in with him because he needed “a little help around his house” so I did.
Lately he’s becoming verbally mean, nasty & threatening whenever I sleep in past 11:AM, don’t have his meals cooked at exactly noon & 4:30 on the dot, leave the house to visit with friends or family. Anytime this happens he jumps up & yells at me by saying “A woman’s job is to be at home in the kitchen cooking his meals, be out of bed by 8:AM & not running around at other people’s house”!
Now mind you, I’m not the average female. His home has been in dire need of repairs. So far in his home while he assumes his position in his recliner chair only leaving it to use the restroom I, by my self-installed a new water heater, tub shower, sub flooring, jacked up & re-leveled the floor in his addition (it’s a 87 single wide mobile home), tore out the dog urine saturated carpeting throughout the entire place (reason why the subfloor had to be replaced) to name a few things I’ve done just off the top of my head. Did I mention that I also give him $1,000 a month?
I can tolerate a lot & I understand that he’s old & things were much different in his prime days but him threatening me when he has outbursts screaming, “Gt out if you want to sleep past 8, run the roads with your friends & not have my meals cooked by dinner time!”
This is becoming more stressful by the day. Advice Is desperately needed.
P.s. He & I are NOT & have never been in a romantic relationship of any sorts & I’ve never led him on to assume that we are. He’s got his room & I’ve got mine.
And why are you paying a grand a month for a room in a mobile home? That's ridiculous. Isn't it?
And I will bet that before you did some work the trailer it was not worth the 1000 you are paying. I agree with Burnt, leave and go to a motel. There is something wrong with this man to think the way he does. Friend and family cannot always live together.
Since you pay him rent you are a tenant, you have renter's rights. You can sleep as late as you like.
Pack up your clothes and items you use every day. Take your $1,000 a month and go to a motel. They will give you a weekly rate until you can find a more permanent place to live. Do this tomorrow. Walk away from the miserable old fool and have zero contact with him that isn't in the presence of a police officer. You should probably have a cop go with you when you're moving out the rest of your stuff.
You're the one who actually knows, you're simply in denial of what is staring you in the face. Your benefit to burden ratio is way off the charts here and if you're unable to see that, all the advice in the world will not aid you in opening your eyes.
In life, it's reasonable to expect that any single relationship, whether spousal, romantic, friendship, employment-related, etc., can be expected to meet about 10-15% of our needs at any one time. What, besides a roof over your head are you getting out of this relationship and living situation? He's treating you in an abusive and outdated manner, quite awful, truly and as though you are a wifey who's expected to be at his beck and call. Is this truly what you want, all you feel you deserve out of life?
Find your sense of personal dignity and get out. Yes, you've a friendship that goes back some 15 yrs, but he sure doesn't treat you like a friend. If you remain in this situation, you're allowing and will be subjected to further abuse and frankly, you're inviting it and wishing it upon yourself.
Unless this man has a UTI or has had mini strokes that he can recover from, you're in for far worse as time passes. Get out while you're still able to.
Don't you know what you should do?