She is living with me but I have a full time job. She expects me to care for her, cook meals and drive her around. Does not want to pay for in home care. She told me it was my job to do these things for her.
There is something called a Miller Trust that allows people to "off load" excess funds so that they qualify for Medicaid. Then, the money that is offloaded goes back to the state/county (or however it is set up). I'm pretty sure Michigan has such a vehicle.
Also, I think MI is one of the few states where Medicaid does cover AL, but I'm not positive. Call a social worker for your county or your local area's Agency on Aging for answers and resources, or consult with a certified elder law attorney or Medicaid Planner for your home state.
Are you your Mom's PoA? If not, I would have a discussion with her that the condition for her to stay with you and receive help from you is that she makes you her DPoA and FPoA. Then, create a contract outlining what her funds are paying for and charge her regularly.
I know you don't want to "kick your Mom out" but you need to find leverage to get her to pay. Going on strike from running her errands and other go-fer tasks may make it feel more real to her.
It's possible she has the beginnings of cognitive decline. The first things to go are a person's judgment, reason and logic. Also, they lose their empathy for others' situations. If she wasn't like this in your youth, then you need to consider this is what is going on in her head. If so, all the more urgent to move her towards assigning you as PoA.
She needs to pay down her savings by paying for her care until she qualifies for Medicaid. That is how it works. You explain to her you need to work to earn a living for yourself and can't be there all of the time. The only time it makes sense to stop working to care for elderly parents is when you or parent has so much money (multi millions or more I would believe today) that you would inherit, that you wouldn't need to work again for the rest of your life.
She will have to go into placement. She will use her assets such as she has and then Medicaid will pay for the rest. Her funds will be assessed and she will be told how much of the bill is her financial responsibility. OR she will go in with her own assets and then will collect Medicaid when her assets are spent. There are also options such as a Miller Trust to be considered by legal help; I suggest an elder law attorney.
Be very certain NOT to take her into your own home as you will complicate this exponentially. You say that she expects you to cook and do meals and drive her. Does that mean you are DOING as she expects? Because if you are you are enabling her realization that this is not working. Stop doing as she expects, live your own life, and give her the numbers to call for when she needs help.
It is time to embrace the fact that you are a grownup who has flown the nest and has now your OWN nest to maintain. Let your mother know her options for hired in home care and for placement options. See an elder law attorney with her if she wishes your support to work out applications for aid, and management of her assets to pay her portions of the bills. This can be done. You need expert help and advice.
Also, I think MI is one of the few states where Medicaid does cover AL, but I'm not positive. Call a social worker for your county or your local area's Agency on Aging for answers and resources, or consult with a certified elder law attorney or Medicaid Planner for your home state.
Are you your Mom's PoA? If not, I would have a discussion with her that the condition for her to stay with you and receive help from you is that she makes you her DPoA and FPoA. Then, create a contract outlining what her funds are paying for and charge her regularly.
I know you don't want to "kick your Mom out" but you need to find leverage to get her to pay. Going on strike from running her errands and other go-fer tasks may make it feel more real to her.
It's possible she has the beginnings of cognitive decline. The first things to go are a person's judgment, reason and logic. Also, they lose their empathy for others' situations. If she wasn't like this in your youth, then you need to consider this is what is going on in her head. If so, all the more urgent to move her towards assigning you as PoA.
Be very certain NOT to take her into your own home as you will complicate this exponentially. You say that she expects you to cook and do meals and drive her. Does that mean you are DOING as she expects? Because if you are you are enabling her realization that this is not working. Stop doing as she expects, live your own life, and give her the numbers to call for when she needs help.
It is time to embrace the fact that you are a grownup who has flown the nest and has now your OWN nest to maintain. Let your mother know her options for hired in home care and for placement options. See an elder law attorney with her if she wishes your support to work out applications for aid, and management of her assets to pay her portions of the bills.
This can be done. You need expert help and advice.