My father turned 80 yesterday. Last night we all got together for dinner and I overheard him telling my daughter in law (who is a hospice nurse) that he is ready to die. He has been making a lot of comments like that lately and is becoming quite morose. Even telling my mom that neither of them will be around much longer. Not what she needs to be hearing all the time. His mother took to her couch one day, which eventually turned into a hospital bed and about 10 years later she finally died. We think he is battling with depression but he denies it. If it continues, we are going to have a conversation about him going to a senior care facility because we will not sit by and watch him wither away. That isn't healthy for any of us.
He is a diabetic who has never made any attempt to control it, just shoots himself up with insulin twice a day. No other serious health issues, yet he acts like he is suffering. It makes me sad and somewhat angry that he can't find anything that brings a even a glimmer of happiness to his life. Like watching his grandkids grow up and get married. One wedding is coming up in November and another next fell.
Have any of you gone through this with your loved ones? How do you handle it?
If you can get him on an antidepressant drug, that might help improve his attitude. However, finding the right drug (or combination of drugs) take time. It's a lot of trial and error.
Yet I am here to tell you I am not WANTING now to go, but I am more than READY to go. Any time is good for me.
Aging isn't much fun. Start at the top with thinning hair, bad hearing, poor balance, brain glitches, hearing problems. Work on down through musculo-skeletal system, aging heart, lungs, kidneys. You get the picture. The system has already put more money into ME than I ever put into it. And sticking around? I have been here. I have done this. A marvelous career, good kids, travels, all kinds of happinesses and blessed few tragedies.
To stick around now for another episode of Sister Wives? Well, fun ENOUGH, but still.
Let him talk with you. My own father at 92 was exhausted with life. He had a good one, too. He just longed for, as he called it, the long long nap. I know that for you youngsters, it is hard to believe, but many of my patients shared with me that they were either READY or WANTING to go, and they could not speak with their kids, so had to share this with a total stranger, their nurse. That's a great tragedy and loss. The last conversations I had with my Dad about his life, his feelings about death, were exceptionally beautiful. I wish the same for you.
Ask his PCP or diabetic manager for the name of a geriatric specialist and take him. If he won’t go, arrange for the specialist to see him at home.
If it will help, tell him that the family needs it to happen because he is loved and appreciated and NEEDS to be there for his grandchildren.
If that doesn’t help, figure out something else you can get to work and do it.